In My Head ; jenlisa ff G!P {COMPLETED}

26

April 24, 2024

Look. You don't have to try this hard. You could probably take a nap during these sessions and nobody would notice. I won't tell anyone.

I'm touched that you went out of your way to try, yet again, to connect with me, but even if I was, you know, normal, an art exhibit was a risky move. So you could have wasted your time.

My mom was really glad you took me. You should have heard the way she went on about your innovative therapy style and how you really seemed to be reaching me. I think I have to care about the art itself, though. The fact that the paintings were done by someone like me doesn't make them more beautiful and it doesn't make the artist less crazy. I almost ruined everything as usual by not appreciating the first exhibit you dragged me to. To be fair, it was full of bent penis flowers. Huge paintings of bent, flaccid penises with crowns of petals around the tips making them look like the saddest flowers I've ever seen.

I really want to say the right thing about this stuff, so if you could just tell me what I'm supposed to be feeling, that would be awesome. I assume that I'm supposed to be comforted by the fact that these artists are able to show people what they see in their heads. Right? And because they are all schizophrenic, I'm supposed to be moved by their ability to reach beyond the limitations of their disease to create something beautiful.

The painting of the cat wearing glasses in the garden is supposed to teach me something about embracing the crazy. But what I really think is, Who cares about this cat? The answer is no one. No one cares about this cat. The artist barely cared about this cat.

I think I know what happened. My last entry worried you. You seemed different when you read my stuff this week. Like you were afraid I was losing my grip. But I'm not sure showing me art from other people like me is the way to go.

It's creepy.

Why do they paint so many misshapen penises with flower petal hats? And that one guy, the one who painted all the cats.

That guy is seriously messed up. The thing I really want is for the artist to stand in front of his painting and tell me what the hell he was thinking. If the cat is actually a submarine and the penises are actually people, then I'd like to know about it because looking at them on their own without any explanation is stupid.

And I seriously hate when other people tell you what the artist was really trying to say. Like the museum curator standing in front of the painting with the bent penis flower telling everyone that it symbolizes his detachment from the world of academia after he was diagnosed.

It's a drooping flower with a penis for a stem. It could mean anything, or it could just mean he wanted to paint sad penises and used flowers to cover them up. Let the artist come out and say, Yes, this was a way for me to express my sadness after I was forcibly removed from my teaching post at Notre Dame for showing up on campus naked. It makes it more difficult if the artist is dead or too crazy to answer, but then we should just look at it. And that's it. We shouldn't pretend we understand.

I just want to hear it in their voice. I don't want someone else who has no idea what their work means to speak for him. He probably spent the rest of his pathetic life trying to get people to listen to him. But they wouldn't because he was crazy. So he painted instead. And rather than let him tell someone exactly what his work meant, they send some lady with a BA in art history and an ugly green blazer to do it.

But maybe you didn't bring me there for the freak show artist part. Maybe it was the other exhibit you actually brought me to see. The culinary one.

I'd never seen food like that before. The cake towers were pretty impressive. And the rows of perfect fruit tarts that looked like jewels. I can see why they belonged in an exhibit. I've never seen food look so beautiful before.