In My Head ; jenlisa ff G!P {COMPLETED}

32

June 19, 2024

I wasn't in the room when she was born. Marco made my excuses because he's a good guy, and Mom was too distracted to notice who was in the room anyway. For a while I sat in the waiting room with the she-beast, Marco's mom.

She told anyone who would listen that she was waiting for her first grandbaby, like a nice old lady. They'd smile, offer their congratulations and say how sweet that was, and walk away. Then, when nobody was looking, she'd throw an ugly glare in my direction that was supposed to make me feel bad for being alive. But it didn't. I just smiled at her.

"Can you hear them?" I whispered.

"Hear who?" she said, looking around to make sure no one was listening.

"The angels. They're singing again. And they are so beautiful. Can't you see them?" Then I gave her my best creepy psycho face. Like Nicolas Cage in basically every movie he's ever done.

She didn't say a word after that. It was the first time I was happy to be crazy.

—

I was wrong, by the way. Other babies are ugly, shapeless masses of flesh. But not her.

Marco put her in my arms right away. Beautiful, tiny, and pink.

She was screaming her head off when Marco gave her to me, but the second I looked at her, she just knew. She knew exactly who I was. And it didn't matter so much that the room smelled weird or that Marco's mom was looking anxiously from the baby and back to her son and miming that someone should get her the hell away from me. We were together, and there was something awesome about that. Being her big sister, I mean. It's funny how quickly you can love a person.

Marco's mom proclaimed that she looked just like Marco, and I was in a good mood, so I didn't call her a moron.

Jennie showed up a few hours later to see her. She didn't want to hold her, but she didn't seem repulsed, either. High praise. She put her finger into the tiny fist and smiled.

"What's her name?"

"Sabrina," I said. Jennie liked that. It was just the right amount of lovely, the kind of name she could grow into. I didn't really want to think about her growing into it, because it was unsettling, the thought of her becoming a little girl. It meant she would become a woman someday, too. And maybe things would change. I wanted to remember the way she was looking at me in that moment.

Jisoo came by and brought Sabrina a giant teddy bear with a pink tutu. She held her for twenty minutes straight, talking to her the whole time until she needed a diaper change, and then she handed her back to my mom. She didn't look grossed out about it, though. She was in awe, and I didn't blame her.

My hallucinations visited, too, which was kind of annoying, but they didn't mean any harm. They just sort of hung out behind my mom's bed and made faces at the baby. She couldn't see them, but I didn't want to spoil their fun. I wasn't really in the mood to ruin anyone's good time. I was too tired to do that.

I thought my visions might change after the new drug, but they didn't. The only one that still seemed different was Juria. She jerked around a lot, and whenever someone shut a window or opened a door, she hid behind whatever she was closest to. When the baby started crying, she dropped to the floor and covered her ears.

I wanted to reach out and say something to her, maybe tell her to not be afraid, but everyone was in the room, and whatever drug I was on at the moment seemed to be doing the trick. I knew I shouldn't speak to her, but I still felt guilty watching her fall to the ground. She looked so lonely.

—

Kai showed up at my house today.

I thought he might come eventually. Everyone knew he was the one who'd played the video at the prom, so he was probably getting pressure to do something.