POSSESSIVE

TWO

The weather was stormy on the day of my parent's funeral. Heavy rain hit the ground, hiding my tears with its droplets. My whole body shook as I cried, my eyes red and puffy.

The world around me vanished as I looked at the caskets which held the bodies of my parents. My legs gave away and gravity pulled me but halfway down, two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into a strong chest. The smell of cigars mixed with intoxicating cologne hit my nose. Oddly, I felt safe, the smell felt like home. I wrapped my hands around her waist and hugged her tightly, desperately clinging onto my only support.

I reminded myself that I'm not alone, that I've not lost everything, and that I have something to hold on to, someone to call a family.

Her hands rubbed up and down my back, soothing me when she was in pain herself. Even though my brain isn't functioning well, I know I have to ease her pain too, she is all I have left, after all. I patted her back using one hand. She tightened her grip around my waist and hid her head in the crook of my neck. I sobbed silently into her chest while patting her back.

I wasn't the only one who lost someone, she has lost too and she has every right to grieve too. Maybe sharing our grief will help us cope with it.

For a minute my heart stilled as I stood there with my head on her chest and her face buried in my neck. It lasted only for a few seconds though. From the corner of my eyes, I saw them lower the casket. Reality hit me and it hit me hard. My mind was in utter chaos. A variety of emotions was holding me captive and that made me thrash in her arms.

I knew that once they lower the caskets to the ground, that is going to be the end. I can't lose them like this!

"Mom, Dad," I screamed as my eyes stuck on the casket. I thrashed harder, at this point I was willing to fight if that is what it takes to get to my parents.

"Let me go," I screamed, my nails clawing at her hands, drawing blood from her skin. I wanted to hurt her, that was my thought. She was keeping me from going to my parents. At that moment, she felt like an enemy. I knew that was not the case but I couldn't accept that my parents were gone so suddenly. It made me lose my cool. Sanity wasn't an option for me.

"Let go, they're taking them away. Leave me," I screamed harder when the casket was lowered to the ground. My heart clenched when everyone ignored my crazy shouting and started to cover the grave with mud.

"No," it was hard to grasp the reality. I was over the moon, thanking god for giving me such precious parents and then he went ahead and took everything away from me. How could everything just pull apart because of the rule of Life?

I refuse to accept it!

But no matter how much I deny it, I would never be able to get them back.

I watched as they filled the grave, killing my every hope. I screamed, letting out an agonizing cry as I dropped to the ground, my bare knees hitting the gravel. I crawled to the grave, shoving the hands that were trying to lift me.

"Why?" I cried out. I wanted to ask him why he left me so suddenly. They left me alone to deal with the darkness of their loss.

No, I couldn't blame them. I don't have the heart to blame them. How could I ever blame them when I love them so much? I lowered myself so my head was on dad's grave, I curled up in a ball like I always used to curl up against her as mom used to read me bed stories.

I imagined laying across his chest, balling my eyes out as I used to whenever I was hurt. And that's all it'll ever be from now on, my imagination, a fragment of my past. He won't be here to guide me. She won't be there to make me breakfast, read me bedtime stories, or give me my night kisses on the forehead.
They won't be there in my future and the reality is a hard pill to swallow.

I felt a body slip behind me and hold me in a warm embrace. She pulled me onto her lap and cradled me to her chest like a child. I gripped the arm in both hands to make sure she couldn't pull away.

"You won't leave me like that, would you?" I whimpered, tightening my grip on his arm. She tightened her arms in return and pulled me tighter against her chest.

"I won't," she assured me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding but after her reply, it feels like something heavy was lifted off my shoulders.

"Thank you," I said, referring to the support she has given me. She wasn't responsible for me yet she came from the other side of the country on my one call. It somehow made me feel wanted. It shows she cares and it melted my heart.

I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to cope with this without her. Her presence helped me more than she knew.

I probably would have gone crazy if she wasn't here and I'd have ended up doing something stupid.

"Don't leave me, I need you," I whispered slowly and I wasn't sure if she heard it or not because I never received any reply.

She didn't reply to me, just kissed the back of my head. The gesture was too intimate for me but I liked it, I like it a lot.

Her arms locked around me protectively as if she would protect me from any danger. My eyes fluttered and I released the hold on her arms when I saw the scratches on her arms.

My heart clenched with guilt. I had hurt her because I can't stomach the sight of my parents getting buried. I reminded myself that they were her parents too and she's grieving their loss too, I'm not the only one.

I took her arms, carefully avoiding the scratched area, and carefully examined the wounds I caused. There were many small and large scratches on both of her arms. Some were bleeding, while there were some which turned red.

"I'm sorry," I apologized for hurting her and a little kiss on her palm as an apology. My dad always used to kiss my hand to make me feel better so I did the same to her. It is stupid and naive to believe such a childish thing but it has always made my injuries less painful whenever dad has kissed them better.

Maybe it's a psychological thing and my mind made me think it's not hurting like before.

"You don't have to apologize to me, love. I know you're hurting. I don't blame you," she whispered near my ears, her voice soft and understanding.

I didn't reply, just turned around and buried myself in her chest, taking a lungful of her intoxicating smell. It helped me calm down and before I knew it, I was numb to the pain.
It was only then I realized we were the only ones left alone. Lisa suggested we go home and I agreed. That day I spent my time clinging to Lisa like a child. And at night, I slept curling on the couch, with my head on her lap.

When I woke up next I was in my room, alone. I threw the covers off of me and ran out, searching for her. When I didn't find her anywhere I asked the maid about her. One look in her eyes told me all I wanted to know.

I retreated into my room with a bitter smile on my face. She didn't respond to me when I asked her to not leave me because she had the intention of leaving me.

And that was when I promised myself not to rely on her ever again. I deleted her from my memories and moved out of the mansion to stand on my own.