✓ sorry, i love you || hwang hyunjin

[35] please don't die

Trigger Warning(s): Reference to suicide

~~~

No. Please no. 

Tears poured down my face as I rushed through the hospital, the beeping of the medical machines fading into the background. I could barely hear anything above the blood thumping in my ears; could barely see anything except white lab coats through the tears. 

Please don't die.

I ran to the help desk on the fourth floor, the one near the OT (Operation Theatre). Tears were streaming down my face and I was sure that the nurse sitting on the other side of the computer thought I was insane. 

"Ma'am, it's alright. Take a deep breath, please, ma'am," the lady insisted, clearly unsure whether I needed medical attention for panic attacks or not. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was having a panic attack or not. 

All I needed was for the letter to not be true. 

From behind me, I heard someone running up to me. "Nabi-ah, it's okay," he soothed, pulling me into a hug. "He'll be okay." 

More tears fell. "But what if he's not?" I cried. He was my first friend. 

I couldn't let that happen to him. 

Not when it was partially my fault. 

Not when, maybe, just maybe, I could have prevented it.

The nurse on the other side seemed less concerned about me now since I was quietly sobbing in my cousin's arms. "Who is it that you're looking for?" 

Mark paused before saying his name. He whispered quietly, "Bang Chan." 

~ An hour ago ~

"I'm back!" I called out, closing the front door behind me. 

Lia, who was in the living room, grinned at me. "So... how is your bOyFrIeNd?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me, and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. 

"He's good," I muttered, slightly flustered. 

Lia replied, deadass serious, "He better be." The room was silent for a second before we both burst out laughing. "I'm kidding. Just let me or Mark know if we need to beat him or up some shit, okay?"

I nodded, still giggling. "Okay." 

"Let me know if you're hungry, I think Mark tried making eggs for breakfast after you left, but since he obviously can't do that..."

"The kitchen is a mess?" I supplied, laughing again when Lia nodded. 

"Yup," she confirmed. "So I was thinking takeout tonight? Or we could go out and invite Hyunjin and Jeongin?"

I thought about it and nodded. "Sure, whatever works for you guys! OH— I forgot to mention, Jeongin is coming over later. He said he'd be here in half an hour or so." 

"Woo! I love that kid!" She cheered, and I raised an eyebrow at her. 

Mark, who seemed to have been listening to our conversation, stuck his head in the living room (quite literally), and asked, "More than me?" He pouted, doing an aegyo. 

"EW GROSS!" I exclaimed, and Lia burst out laughing again. 

After she calmed down, she got up from where she was sitting on the sofa and quickly pecked his lips as she left the living room. "Don't worry, darling." 

Damn. YOU SLAY GIRLBOSS!!!

Mark blushed furiously. "Even after dating her for so long..." He shook his head in disbelief. "She still makes me get so flustered." 

"I can tell." 

"Shut up, Nabi," he muttered, and I giggled. 

I skipped past him through the doorway and up the stairs, calling to him, "I'll be in my room if you need me!" 

Mark, who was still lovestruck and frozen, barely nodded as a huge drunken grin appeared on my face. I smiled when I saw it. I'm glad he found someone he loves and someone who loves him. He deserves it. 

When I got to my room, I dropped my backpack near my desk and walked over to my closet, hoping to find something to change into. I ended up picking an oversized sweater and a pair of sweatpants. The weather was getting cooler now, so I could wear this without breaking into a sweat. 

I quickly tied my hair up into a messy bun, knowing very well that even if I looked like shit, Jeongin wouldn't run away or unfriend me or whatever. (He'd seen worse phases of mine.) I quickly showered before changing into the outfit I had left out for myself and smiled at myself in the mirror. I wasn't gorgeous, but for the first time, I could tell myself that I wasn't ugly, either. 

And maybe it had to do something with a certain prince-like boy...

I left my bathroom and walked back into my own room before sitting on the bed. I was about to reach out for my phone when I noticed a folded-up piece of paper placed delicately on my pillows. I frowned. Who left it here? 

I reached out to it and opened it, only to find... a letter? I didn't think anyone wrote this other than me... and Aera.

I read through it quickly, my eyes darting back and forth through the words as they widened in horror. 

No. Fuck no. Please no. 

I jumped off the bed, the half-read letter in my hands as I ran down the stairs, skipping the last 6 and almost falling. I ran to the kitchen to find Mark, who seemed to be about to make a joke about his inability to cook eggs before he saw me. 

Me, in my panicked state. 

He quickly turned off the stove and ran to me, although I wasn't too sure since the tears were now blurring my vision. Not him, please. I didn't mean for him to find out like this.

My brother-like-cousin took threw his apron onto the counter and hugged me tightly. "What's wrong?" He whispered, knowing very well that something was very wrong. 

I stuffed the letter in his hand and he read it, and less that 4 seconds later, he broke out of the hug and handed me back the piece of paper. "Get in the car," he commanded, his voice coming out quiet and broken. 

I let out a small sob as I followed him to the car, not caring whether I looked like shit or if Jeongin was supposed to come over or not. All that mattered was him. 

My friend.

My first friend. 

Chan. 

~~~

A/N: So... this was dark. I honestly don't really know what to say.