Froststar's Destiny

Chapter Twenty

Frostwind and Stonestar reached camp in a state of unhappiness, their Clanmates lying on their backs. Frostwind dumped Amberfrost in the clearing and stormed away. She left Stonestar to answer the questions. It was time for the midday meal and she snatched up a rabbit, feeling ravenous, before devouring it quickly.

Someone dropped a sparrow beside her and she looked up, ready to lash out. Her gaze softened when she recognized Skyfeather staring at her with his usual jovial expression, but it looked forced, and she could sense the grimness underneath. He sat down uncertainly and a little fearfully. Frostwind let out a long sigh.

"Please stop acting scared around me," she said flatly. He acted as if he had heard nothing, settling down and casually taking bites out of his sparrow.

Skyfeather finally looked up. "How many died on our side?" he asked softly and gently. Not something she was expecting.

"I'm not really sure," she whispered, and her voice trembled. "Stonestar, Amberfrost, Ashspots and myself are the only survivors."

The moment she mentioned the name Ashspots, Skyfeather visibly relaxed. They were brothers after all. Frostwind smiled nervously back.

"I killed a lot too," she said grimly. "I'm sorry for that. Please believe me."

"I believe you," he answered simply. "You have no motivation to lie. Frostwind, if you hadn't stepped in, yes, slaughtering the enemy but if you hadn't done so, many more would have died on our side." He stood up. "I'm not going to stop you anymore, but I am going to ask you one question: Is this mindless killing affecting you at all?"

Frostwind's thoughts were drawn back to the fight. She'd been called a monster and she believed it so much she had asked Mousestar to kill her. She swallowed painfully, facing Skyfeather with as much courage as she could muster.

"I'm a monster," she said simply. "I'll live with it. Do I look dying to you?"

"You look troubled," Skyfeather answered easily. "And you're not a monster. Can you admit to yourself that there was no reason for the deaths you caused?"

"There wasn't," she whispered weakly.

"There was. I wasn't there, Frostwind, but to save lives sometimes you have to take lives and that's what you've been doing. You never meant to kill anyone. I believe you on that."

"But I don't believe myself anymore."

Frostwind's terrified eyes met Skyfeather's, her fear visible. "I don't believe myself. Why do you believe me?"

"Because I love you unconditionally," Skyfeather replied immediately. "It doesn't matter who you become."

Frostwind lowered her eyes to the ground. She didn't have a response and she didn't want to give one. She wanted to end their conversation there with him stating his undying faith to her but it was wrong. He shouldn't place his trust in her. Yet she didn't dare to tell him, for fear of losing him again.

Skyfeather watched her intently and Frostwind knew he sensed her reluctance. His patient blue eyes bored into hers and she stared into that soft sky, wanting it to be the real thing. A place with no death.

"It's who I am," she choked. "And I'm sorry I couldn't be the one for you."

"You're sorry? But you are the one for me. Look at me, Frostwind."

She dared look up. He stared down at her, his face gentle, loving and concerned. 

"I love you, Frostwind. Nothing's going to change that," Skyfeather whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back.

***

"Frostwind, wake up."