Fire With Fire // D. Dixon

chapter seventeen

Daryl Dixon and Chloe Grimes had ventured out into the woods.

They hadn't gone out too far, but far enough so that the group could no longer see or hear them. Daryl had begun to slow his pace, as he kept stealing glances at the Grimes girl. Chloe was quick to notice Daryl's sudden change in demeanor.

"Is something going on?" Chloe asked him, making him stop in his tracks. Something was definitely different about him, he was more on edge than he usually was. 

"What do ya mean?" Daryl looked at her, "Ain't nothin' going on, Chloe. That's the damn problem!" Daryl continued to keep an eye on the area around them. There could be walkers lurking around that they didn't know about yet. He still had to be careful.

"I know things look...bad right now-" Chloe started, trying to figure him out. Daryl seemed checked out, or maybe he was just trying to deflect the conversation. Either way, his sudden change in mood had Chloe worried. 

"It's too dry..." Daryl looked around at the field before them, "There ain't nothin' here." He was frustrated. Tired. Hungry.

"Daryl," Chloe reached for his arm, pulling him back to face her, "look at me."

When he came back around to face her, he saw her. For the first time in a long time, he actually saw her. The old Chloe Grimes; the optimistic girl who always fought to save her family and friends. The girl who was far too young and naive in a world that was as dreary as the world they lived in. The girl with a fire in her. She was too good for this world and for him.

"What's going on?" Chloe put her hands around his shoulders, pulling his face down to hers, "I know you, Daryl Dixon. There's something going on in that head of yours, don't lie to me." He felt his shoulders tense at her touch, the touch not foreign but lovingly unfamiliar to his body. He felt his heart skip a beat at the closeness of their bodies. His sigh came out more like a growl.

He should just tell her. Tell her about how he feels about her, about how he hates himself for not helping her when she needed him the most. Tell her that he couldn't bear the thoughts of leaving her behind at that prison, fearing she had become one of the dead ones. Tell her that not a day goes by that he doesn't think of her, worrying about her safety and well-being. How he thinks so very little of himself that he would die to be there for her. But he just couldn't...

"I can't do that to ya, Chloe," Daryl explained, exasperated, "You've been through too much already. I ain't gonna put this on ya too." He felt guilty, more than anything.

"Whatever it is, Daryl," Chloe smiled softly at him, "I promise you, I can handle it." She had hoped this would ease his stress, but it didn't. Chloe was worried now, more so than she was before.

"It was after the prison that I knew. I hated that I didn't stick around and try to look for ya...I was with Beth tryin' to survive. I had to take care of her, she needed me...and I failed her too." Daryl let a single tear slip from his eye, as they bore into hers. He saw himself reflected in her eyes, watching her face fall at the sight of him crying.

"You didn't fail Beth. Those people took her, there's nothing you could have done-" Chloe stepped forward, knowing that it was her turn to be there for him. 

"I could have saved you."

"No, Daryl..." Chloe took a deep breath in before continuing, "They were beating you...you couldn't have stopped them." She knew that he had blamed himself, just like Rick did. She didn't understand their guilt, they were being beaten and held at gunpoint. There is nothing they could have done that wouldn't have gotten them killed, or gotten the entire group killed for that matter.

"Why do ya do that, huh?" Daryl asked her, tears threatening to spill out. He didn't understand her feelings of guilt. That man was nearly triple her size and putting his entire bodyweight on her, he knew that there wasn't a damn thing she could have done to fight a full-grown man off. Hell, he had a knife to her throat. 

"Do what? Tell you the truth?" Chloe retorted back, her voice cracking as she felt tears building in her eyes. 

"No, Chloe! You keep tryin' to tell us that it's your fault, convincin' everybody that it was all on you but that ain't right. You know it ain't!" Daryl didn't move, but he kept his eyes locked on hers. He searched them, hoping to see a glimmer of realization wash over them. He didn't.

"But it is! If I hadn't-"

"STOP CHLOE!" Daryl shouted, more agitated than he meant to be, "It ain't your fault for what happened that night, damn it. Not a damn thing could you have done, it wouldn't have changed a damn thing...that's what I hate."

Chloe said nothing, she did all she could to stop herself from crying but she failed. She did the one thing her father told her not to do; let her guard down. Daryl watched her, hating himself for making her cry.

"I hate it. I don't wanna be right," Daryl moved closer to her, wanting to hold her in his arms, "I can't change the past, but I can make damn sure that don't ever happen again."

"Why?" Chloe looked back up at the man, waiting for an answer. He seemed to be so invested in her, in her safety, it was the thing that had made her feel so safe. She didn't understand it, but they had spent so much time together, they were one in the same. They were a part of each other, they always had been.

"Why what?" Daryl asked her, wiping her tears away with his thumb. He was never as gentle with anyone as he was with her, like he was scared to break her. The last thing he wanted was for her to be upset, yet he had made her cry. This was entirely his fault and he hated himself for it. The one thing he could do was answer her questions.

"Why do you care so much?" Chloe asked him, feeling his heart pound in his chest. She felt the rise and fall of his chest against hers as he held onto her. This was it; this is what safety felt like.

Daryl pulled away from her for a moment, looking into her tear-filled eyes once again.

"Because I love you, Chloe."