Then They Healed

Wishful Thinking as the World Ends

If I keep looking ahead
I might not remember
If I master forgiveness
Then I can forgive her
If I lack in self respect

I can hold even longer
I don't have to defend
If I let go, then it'll end

If I tell myself I deserve it
Then I can't hold a grudge
If I say it's not what it is
Then I can close my eyes
If I never give up
The hope never dies

If I cry alone then nobody knows

If I don't ask for help
Anything goes
Nothing is permanent
If there's no consequence
The only control
Is that of myself

If they choose to be horrible
And hurt me and learn not to care
It'll all be okay if the info doesn't go anywhere
Then their image is perfect
And we can pretend
Nobodies cheating for the excitement of another
Or taking a break to ignore heartfelt demands
Nobodies lying to get whatever they want
Nobodies heartless
And I can believe that there is care

That all the love wasn't for nothing
All the effort isn't just to move on
If I act a fool I won't see the truth
My intellect won't plague my mind
They didn't find real life so hard
That they'd blame it on me
They'd never give into the hate
They wouldn't see me as the embodiment of their insecurities
They'd never be so scared to be wrong They'd choose not care if it isn't right
They wouldn't take my honesty and trust
Never let our agreed open nature become a door for abusing their lust
They wouldn't use me and keep me as a lover on a leash
They'd never take the easy way out
They'd never pull further away the more I fight to get close
They'd never close their heart and speak to me cold
They'd never make themselves hard to hold
They'd never break promises
And spend all their time away
They'd never ignore my feelings
And give our life away

It could never happen
Not after all of the love
It could never have happened
Not with how much we care
It would never happen
They would never hurt me
It should never happen
Our future is worthy

I could never be alone every night
I could never be broken after all that I'd fight
It could never happen with the time we take to protect
It could never happen
Not once
Not in one million years

But if it did
They said these same things they'd never forgive
The cheating alone
A cold cutting end
They said they could never handle it
No second chance
But I always said
That there could be a mulligan
That I could still feel the same
I stayed so uncertain because
It's not a place I've ever been

Now I tell myself I'm not here
Hands over my ears
I close my eyes
I'm worth more
They'll come back
And love me
They'll learn from mistakes
They'll make their own consequences
They'll hold themselves accountable for their actions
They'll choose to be a good lover
And let our love conquer all
And they'll never forget

What all of our time meant
How it was never to end
How we had all our lives
Again and again
I never said soulmates before
Then I was glad I finally did

So it can't all mean nothing
It can't be the end
It's not purgatory
It's not unhappily ever after
End to the story
They'll make the hard choices
And own up to the hurt
They make things right
And choose to come home

It's a hill I'd love to die on
One that if the war isn't won
I'm scared of life to go on
I hope that they wake up
And see what going on
That I'm still here
And still I care so deeply I've weathered the storm
And they'd never let the storm take me again
They'd fight for me more than I fight for them
Wrapping me in their arms
They'll let me finally rest in their love
And cry to sleep no longer

They'll hold together and make us only stronger
And never let it happen again

I refuse to believe that it's a pipe dream
That this is our future
But I'm not in control
And I don't want to be
I want the good things to come externally
I want a love that finds itself tempered to be unconditionally

I believe in no god
But today I will pray
I love you
Come back and love me
Okay?