Grape Juice (By the Border, #1) ✓

24

There was no turning back now.

Limerence probably wasn't the best place to have a heart-to-heart talk with your former emotionally absent mother, but we didn't have a choice to begin with. Mas maganda siguro kung nangyari ang usapang ito sa Arden, habang nag-pi-picnic sa north border, at. If we weren't facing one heck of an uphill battle against death, I would be pouring my heart out some other way.

"School sucks."

How else should I begin?

"I always think of what methods of torture they fancy using on me," I went on. "Napapansin mo noon tuwing may bago akong bag pero hindi mo tinatanong kung bakit. Sinisira nila ang mga gamit ko tuwing hindi sila nakukuntento sa pangungutya. It was so much worse without Kenzie and Novah around. Parang mga leon ang mga kaklase ko, at ako ang piniling pain ng buong kagubatan. And that's putting it lightly." I chuckled. "My life's been more hellish than hell since seventh grade. I bet the devils wish they can take it from me."

"Bakit hindi ka nagsabi sa 'kin?"

I could tell by the way her voice trembled like a castle slowly falling into ruins but forcing itself to hold on for a little longer—she wanted to cry. For me. "Bakit wala akong nalaman tungkol doon?"

Alam naming dalawa ang sagot, ngunit pinili kong iparinig ito sa kaniya. "Dahil hindi pa rin maayos ang lagay mo simula noong mawala si Papa."

Though she tried to fight it, Mom lost the war between her apology and the deafening silence.

"At ngayon, si Novah naman," ani ko. "His parents fought over his confinement here. His sister is mad and won't talk to him. I'm..." No one. I was no one. Just a suicidal damsel in distress who somehow got involved in a family that was too good for me. "I'm just here because I cared."

"Caring is not a bad thing," kumento niya.

"Alam ko, Ma, pero nahihirapan ako. Gusto kong magpanggap na binabangungot lang ako, o hindi ako makaalis mula sa isang mahabang panaginip. I'm used to things like that, anyway. I—"

Words died down my throat when Mom reached for my cheeks. That was when I felt the tears—my tears. Hindi ko napansing umiiyak na pala ako, at pinupunasan ni Mama ang mga luha ko tulad ng ginawa ko para kay Novah kagabi.

The dam burst open and I could do nothing to stop the flow.

"W-What the hell..." I cursed. "Ano 'to, Ma? Hindi ko gusto 'to. H-how do I make it stop?" I brushed away the new tears that formed, but it didn't capture the pain, because it came from somewhere else, somewhere so deep I couldn't reach it.

"Tell me where it hurts," Mom muttered as she took my hands when I started hitting my head out of frustration. "Come on."

Maluha-luha kong sinuntok ang aking dibdib. "Dito. Ayaw umalis. Ang sakit, Ma."

She took my hand again, her grip stronger this time. "It's in your heart. You're hurting from everything, kid. 'Wag mong itaboy ang pakiramdam, pero 'wag mong hayaang malunod ka."

"Accepting it wouldn't cure him," I argued.

"Rejecting it is the same."

"Anong mapapala ko?"

"Ikaw ang makakaalam no'n." Mom finally let go when my fists no longer clenched. She reached inside her pocket and took out crumpled bills, and judging its size, it was enough to last a week with no skipped meals. "Take this. And take your time. Bumalik ka sa Arden kapag handa ka na." Ginulo niya ang aking buhok at nagbitaw ng ngiti. "Hihintayin kita. Pangako 'yan."

Bumalik na ako sa ospital matapos ihatid si Mama sa labas. Saglit akong dumaan sa banyo para maghilamos at alisin ang ebidensya ng nangyari sa hardin kanina. When the redness around my eyes no longer appeared prominent, I went up to Novah's room.

Naabutan ko siyang pinapatong ang kaniyang jacket sa suot niyang pang-alis nang makarating ako. There was no dextrose piercing through his hand anymore, and behind him, the doctor was in a hushed conversation with Nadine. Nakasandal sa pintuan si Klein, at nakahiga si Kenzie sa kama, mga mata'y nakamasid sa nagbibihis niyang kuya.

Klein saw me first. He gestured to the hallway outside, sparing his son a glance before he left. I followed moments later, rubbing my arms with my hands as I itched for something to do to ease the sudden surge of nervousness I felt.

"Nagpumilit si Novah na magpa-discharge," aniya. "Gusto niyang bumalik sa Arden kasama ka. He said something about hideout spots and borders..."

I scratched my nape as I thought of what to answer. "I'll keep him company, then."

"Please do." Now leaning against the wall, Klein ran his fingers through his hair and pulled the strands, likely to wake himself up. I supposed he was like me—having the constant urge to inflict pain on ourselves.

"Maraming salamat, Wesley," dagdag niya matapos ang panandalian naming katahimikan. "Hindi pa kita nagagawang pasalamatan noon, pero sana alam mo kung paano mo pinasasaya ang mga anak ko, lalo na ang panganay ko. The Valerias owe you a lot."

I let out a shaky breath. "Klein..."

"I hope you don't mind spending a few hours with my son. His time is almost up, you see, and he...he'd like to spend his remaining hours with you."

I wanted to say, I just cared, because that was my truth. Ngayon ay pinili kong tanggapin ang habilin ni Klein nang walang bahid ng kalungkutan, dahil hindi ko nais na iparamdam iyon kay Novah.

This was alright. It should be okay.

"Anything for him."

We would be okay.