Grape Juice (By the Border, #1) ✓

Epilogue

To Wesley Santiago,

Happy birthday.

***

"I still think we shouldn't celebrate if I can go to jail from now on."

"Just blow the candle, kid."

"Okay, fine. Damn."

Nang mamatay ang apoy ay mahinang pumalakpak si Mama. Ako naman ay hindi na nagsayang ng oras at humiwa ng dalawang serving mula sa aking cake. I wasn't an avid fan of sweets, but I did like small servings of sugar and junk every now and then.

Nang dumapo ang kamay ng orasan sa alas kwatro at hindi na masakit sa balat ang araw ay inilagay ko sa mga container ang cake, natirang handa, at dalawang bote ng grape juice bago iyon inayos sa loob ng luma naming picnic basket. Hinatid ako ni Mama sa Station 16 at pinangakong hihintayin niya akong makauwi kahit gabihin ako. Natatawa kong biniling huwag ikandado ang pinto sa sala at namaalam na.

"Wesley!" Nadine met me with a hug that knocked the air out of my lungs when I went to their apartment that afternoon. "Happy birthday, sweetie. Salamat sa pagbisita."

Patting her back, I let myself be engulfed in her arms. "May dala ho akong cake," I said, my voice muffled by her shirt.

There was a stark difference between what the apartment looked like a week ago and what it was now. Instead of board games, books, and stacks of CDs scattered in the living area, cardboard boxes replaced the couches by the TV. Wala na ang landscape paintings na naka-display sa mga pader, at wala nang nilulutong pasta at red sauce sa kusina.

Now that graduation was out of the picture, the only pass Kenzie and I needed to enter college, they were now in the middle of making preparations to move back to their hometown.

"Sumaglit si Klein sa Limerence kahapon para bumili ng regalo mo," ani Nadine. "Nabanggit kasi ni Novah na baka magustuhan mo raw." As if on cue, Klein emerged from Kenzie's room. In his hand was a bottle of wine still sealed with wax.

"18 ka na," natutuwa niyang saad at ibinaba ang bote sa lamesa. "Happiest birthday."

"Cheers to legality, Binibining Santiago!" sigaw ni Kenzie mula sa kaniyang kwarto. Seconds later, she got out, too, hugging three novels I knew very well about. Of course I did. I could recognize the book covers and spines like the lyrics to my most played song.

"I believe these are Weston S. Thiago's first books. Plano atang ibigay sayo ni Kuya as his birthday gift pero..." Napatikhim siya. "Kaya ako nalang ang nag-abot. Nahanap ko ang mga 'to sa kwarto ni Novah. Those copies are old. Maybe a little dusty. He bought them six years ago because no one else wanted to. He told me it was his best purchase ever," nakangiti niyang binahagi.

Weston S. Thiago. Ang pseudonym ni Papa.

Novah knew my dad through his stories.

I accepted the books with both hands and put those inside my basket before doing the same with the wine. "Maraming salamat." Maraming salitang maaaring isambit, ngunit iyon lang ang pinili kong iparinig. It was okay. They understood what I truly meant.

Isang buwan na ang nakalipas matapos kaming iwan ni Novah. They kept telling me that he was still breathing when they saw us at Station 25, but a bigger part of me stood by the belief that he died sooner than that. I made peace with it.

Walang umiyak sa burol niya. Until his wake, we were all silent, muttering prayers and bidding unsaid goodbyes. No tears were shed; I supposed they made peace with his fate, too.

Ngayon ay kaharap ko ang puntod niya. It was fairly easy to spot as it looked the newest and cleanest out of all the others that littered the hill. Ibinaba ko ang basket sa damuhan at naupo. Sumandal ako sa puntod para mapahinga ang aking likod. I didn't do much today, but tiredness fought to win me over.

"Hoy," bati ko sa kaniya. "It's my birthday today..." and I'm holding a picnic basket, not sleeping pills. I chose not to say the rest. "Sucks that you couldn't come over at my place, but it's okay. That's why I came to you."

I began talking about whatever was on my mind: every memory I had with Zeus and his years-long torment and how I finally fought back; all the burden I carried for years; all the things I didn't have the heart to say to him back then. Lahat ay inilabas ko, at sa dami ng aking binunyag ay hindi ko namalayan kung ilang oras na ang lumipas nang matapos ako. Not that I cared. It didn't matter, anyway. I knew Novah would understand, and that was more than anything I could ask for.

"Lilipat ako sa Solia. May kolehiyong tumanggap sa 'kin doon. I'll give it a shot. Writing, I mean," I went on as I ate cake—the slice I saved for him. "Binigay ko na kay Kenzie ang number ko kaya oras-oras niya akong m-ine-message noong pinakita ko sa kaniya 'yong acceptance letter ko. Mas excited pa yata siya kaysa sa 'kin."

Then I took a long, much-needed pause to push back the tears. I could do this.

"I promise to come back every month to visit. Gan'on din ang pamilya mo, kaya 'wag kang mag-alala. I made them promise you that." I wouldn't let Novah's grave be left abandoned like the others here, slowly eaten away and claimed by the earth.

"May dala rin akong inumin." Inilabas ko ang grape juice at alak mula sa basket at ibinaba ang mga ito sa puntod ni Novah. I tapped the juice bottle against the gravestone before chugging it down to the very last drop. "Pucha, ang tamis," reklamo ko.

Matapos ay tinanggal ko ang wax na nakabalot sa ibabaw ng bote at inalis ang cork gamit ang pinahiram sa aking cork remover ni Klein. I poured the fermented grape juice to the now empty plastic bottle. I sipped the wine and tried my hardest not to wince.

It wasn't very pleasant, but I could get used to it. Someday, the bitterness wouldn't hurt to take in anymore.

It could be the wine. Or not. Marahil ay iba ang pinanggalingan ng pakiramdam na ito. Another vineyard, perhaps—one that was close to home.

Habang saglit pa akong nanatili sa paborito naming tambayan, isang kamay ay hawak ang bote at ang kabila ay nasa puntod ni Novah, nagsimulang tumulo ang aking mga luha. Gusto kong isiping naintindihan ako ng kalangitan, dahil nakapinta rito ang matitingkad na kahel at biyoleta.

Kahit naharangan ng aking mga luha ang senaryo, natutunan ko itong mahalin.

I took another sip of the wine.

"Cheers, Novah."

End