Harry Potter male reader insert

Potions

Y/n lays in bed, hoping to capture his usual 3 hours of sleep, until he is woken by a deafening sound

"RISE AND SHINE!" George shouts while Fred uses some kind of... Foghorn? That looked more like a mouth than one would hope

"What the fuck?! It's 7 in the fucking morning I'm going to cut your balls off drench them in the toilet then shove them down your throat you fuckin-" Y/n is cut off by the foghorn one again

"What kind of language is that?" Fred starts

"I'll tell you, I expected better young man" George joins in

"Tut tut tut" Fred finishes

"We have classes, can't skip on the first day... At least you can't." Lee Jordan chimes in

"... Fuck, I hate school, and magic, mostly magic, that's like my fucking catchphrase now, what's first?" y/n sits up, his bloodshot eyes and messy hair make it seem as if he is a corpse, that has been reanimated

"You, my dear friend, have potions, with Professor Snape, better get dressed, we have class in about 20 minutes" Lee explains

"Fine... I'm not wearing those fucking robes though."

"That's not a good idea." Lee starts

"Last year we thought we could do that-" George chimes in

"We ended up having to clean Filch's office" Fred finishes

"I don't care, I would rather die looking good than live looking like you." Y/n smirks and begins to get changed, wearing his tie loose and top button undone with no robe

The other three boys shake their heads, more in a joking manner than anything else as they have done MUCH worse

They all walk to Snape's room, every now and then y/n would make another comment like:

"Why the fuck does a school have a bloody dungeon?"

"Is alcohol made like potions 'round here"

"Is there magic alcohol?"

Eventually, he shut up and they arrived to find Snape glaring at them

"You alright mate?" Y/n greets him

"5 minutes. You were 5 minutes late today, you will make that up to me after class Mr L/n, as you're new I will explain my policy, for every minute you are late you owe me 10 minutes out of your free time, I assume the rest of you were just held back by his insolence, but you too will need to spend an extra 50 minutes with me at the next free period."

"You lot weren't lying he is a proper cunt, I ain't doing that." y/n laughs

George, Fred and Lee just go to their seats, which was a surprise to most of the class as they all knew the antics they usually got into were far worse

"Use of obscene language is 50 points from your house and a detention, on top of this the incorrect uniform will be 10 points from your house and an extra 20 minutes... Do you wish to say anything else?"

y/n looks ready to retort but he remembers his own words in his head 'Don't be a cunt'

"No."

"No sir"

"You're a sir? That's a surprise to me, mate."Y/n couldn't stop himself, he had to retort, and that would cost him

"Get out. You will report to Professor Dumbledore, Mr Diggory escort him."

A Hufflepuff boy stands up and nods his head towards y/n, then leads him out of the classroom

"Hell of a first day huh?" Diggory points out

Y/n glares, and grits his teeth

"Almost as bad as that time I kicked that cunt's face in for asking rhetorical questions."

"Yeah... Okay, well Dumbledore is this way." Diggory awkwardly rubs the back of his neck and walks through the corridor

"You got a name?"

"Cedrick."

"Are you a cunt, Cedrick?"

"... I mean, that's a matter of opinion, but I try not to be."

"Then why aren't you out there with a wand in one hand and an AK47 in the other taking out murders and rapists?"

"Because that's illegal, and if the muggles knew that wizards existed they'd go mad, there'd be another war, and wizardkind would be wiped out."

"First of all, how the fuck are humans killing wizards mate? Makes no sense, secondly, I agree, we would probably go to war because humans fucking hate everything new to them, but either wizards get wiped out or humans get wiped out, it's a win-win."

"That's... A lot, I mean it's stupid and a terrible outlook on life, but clearly, you put a decent amount of thought into it, but muggles and wizards can co-exist, and neither of them deserves to die."

"So what you're saying is no humans or wizards should die yeah? What about Hitler?"

"Who?"

"Exactly, that's what keeping us separate does."

That silences Cedric, so he just continues walking, eventually arive at the entrance way to Dumbledore's office

"Big statue? Thinks a lot of himself doesn't he?" Y/n quips

Cedric ignores him and says the code

"Raspberry."

The statue rises and a staircase is revealed, y/n looks disappointed and Cedric just begins walking back to class, something clearly on his mind

Y/n goes up the stairs and is greeted by a calm-looking Dumbledore, eating some kind of sweet

"I expected you to get into trouble, heh, I even expected it to happen on your first day, but 2 detentions and 60 points from your house before the first 30 minutes of your first lesson? That is impressive indeed." Dumbledore has a small smile permanently fixated on his face

"Ain't hard with that greasy-haired git you call a teacher, I been meaning to speak to you anyway."

"Well, you have my undivided attention Mr. L/n."

"Potter. You said I was here to protect him, but based on what the jolly giant said this place is as safe as safe gets, and it's also a fucking castle, with perfectly capable old men and women to defend it, so what's really going on?"

"That is true, but there are some things more powerful than any one person,"

"You know talking in these fucking riddles don't make you sound wise right? You sound like a cunt. Now you chose me even though I don't know a fucking spell, you're trying to play me, and it's working, so what's actually going on?"

"... Harry will have many enemies here at Hogwarts, those who have been taught to hate those different and worship, lord Voldemort, he has been through so much more than any of the other students, so much so that I was afraid he would never open up, and be refined. I was worried he would be tricked into following a dark path... Like many before him, he needs someone to keep him connected to who he was before power, someone who possesses every quality of a muggle, good and bad, and despises the wizarding world."

Y/n listens politely before breaking down laughing

"You're a half-decent liar, but that was just talking, that didn't mean shit, that cryptic shit works on people 'round here because they think that means you know shit, but I don't reckon you do... Nah you're as clueless as the rest of us, but don't you worry mate, I'm gonna find it all out, and we'll see what happens then eh?"

Y/n sneers then walks out without another word, this leaves Dumbledore shocked, but not worried, after all... What is the worst that could happen?