delicate | taylor jewel ✧

03

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tw: panic attacks + insecurities + identity struggles

— It's been four days since Taylors been here. Instead of being nice, I've just been ignoring her, even though it's hard.

I don't hate Taylor, I just hate the fact that she hates me and that makes me dislike her. Not hate her.

I walked down the stairs to head to the living room but she was standing right infront of them. I avoided eye contact even though she was staring directly at me.

I reached to the end of the stairs and wanted to go to the other direction so she doesn't talk to me.

Taylor aggressively but gently at the same time put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me back. "You're really going to ignore me the whole time? Grow up Jules."

"Actually yeah, I am going to ignore you just like you ignored me for 6 months after you made out with Steven. I didn't even get a fucking explanation!!" I tell her.

Taylor just rolls her eyes. "God for once cant you just put that in the past?! It's been 2 and a half years, move on!!" She yells at me.

"It's hard, Taylor." I tell her in a more calming voice.

"Well it wasn't hard for me." She scoffs and walks away unbothered.

What the fuck. I think to myself. Why the fuck did she just do that? Taylor was never really good at talking to me about her feelings but this? I didn't think she was that bad at it.

"Taylor wait-" I shout but she just keeps going. Suddenly I felt tears in my eyes. I go back upstairs and lock the door behind me to my room. I lay on my bed and cry.

I hear knocking on my door again. Why do people always knock when I'm sad, goddamn.

"Mhm?" I say with a shaky voice.

"It's me, Conrad."

Conrad??? I think to myself.

"Yeah whatever come on in." I from the other side of the room.
"Dude it's locked." He chuckles.
"My bad, wait a minute." Before I lock the door open I grab a tissue and wipe the tears of my eyes and look at myself in the mirror forcing myself to smile. I nod to myself and go open the door.

Conrad walks in looking around my room acting like it's the first time he's ever seen it. After that he looks at me. "Wait. Are you okay?" He asks me.

"Doing great" I say.
"Doesn't really look like you're doing great. What's keeping you so distracted?" Conrad asks me in a calming voice.

"It's just Taylor. She acts like nothing has happened and it just hurts to see that she moved on and I still can't. What is wrong with me? Why can't I move on?!" My voice gets more and more aggressive and I start breathing heavily.

"Woah Jules. What is going on??" He notices my heavy breathing.

"I-I don't know, I feel this pain in my chest and it's hard to breathe." I tell him with a shaky voice.

"It's okay, it's okay. Okay breathe with me." Conrad says.
I was so confused.

"Inhale."
I did whatever he said.
"Exhale"