delicate | taylor jewel ✧

06

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— I was looking at the hot air balloon in shock.
It was fucking huge!!

Jeremiah and Steven ran right to the registration to buy us tickets.

"Hi I'm Jeremiah Fisher, Susannah Fisher's son, we bought six tickets for a hot air balloon ride under the name of Susannah Fisher." He said to the register and the register got us all settled in.

The prices were fucking high not gonna lie.

After everything was settled and ready, we hopped onto the hot air balloon with the help of a really nice worker there that made us feel very safe, since our biggest fear was falling down.

Mine wasn't falling down, mine was when the feeling when we'll be up in the sky. It's like something sinking into your body. Like your soul is sinking out of it.

Then after 5 minutes;

We were all ready to go.

Shit. I thought.
This might either be the coolest thing in my life I'll experience or the worst and scariest thing in my life I'll experience.

I most likely think it will be the second option, but I'm going to try and spread positive vibes since I don't wanna ruin the day of the others because I know how special it is for them. Especially for Jere.

I don't know why but for some reason the worker had to decide where who sits.

And guess where I fucking sat.

Next to fucking Taylor. Again.
I'm getting bored of this at this point actually.

Taylor was on my right and Conrad was a little further from me away on my left.

Now we were actually ready to go.

I felt the hot air balloon go up into the air. We weren't even three feet up and I was already shaking entirely.

"Calm down, the fuck?" Taylor says looking at me.

"Uhm i don't know if you forgot or something but I'm scared of heights!" I tell her.

She giggles. "Just try to enjoy the moment at least asshole." She hits my shoulder gently.

"Holy shit we're going higher" I shout.

"That's the point, dumbass" Taylor says. "Okay I know I don't say this often, but like talk to me. I can be a distraction so you don't have to focus so much on the heights"

I was shocked she said that.

"Okay well I have a question" I say.
She looks at me confused.

"How are things between us?" I ask dying to know her awnser.

Taylor stays silent for a second.
I was scared she wasn't going to awnser me and just ignore me.

"I still don't like you even if I seem nice." She finally awnsered.

Now I'm the one who's silent.

"Fair enough, I don't like you either" I finally say.

"Good." She nods,

She quickly checked her phone to see if she got any new notifications and guess what song I saw on her Spotify again.

Delicate - Taylor Swift

AGAIN.

"Hey, I saw that!" I laugh.

"What do you mean??" She looked at me confused again.

"Delicate on your phone. AGAIN. You're so obsessed with me." I say playful.

"I'm not obsessed with you, jeez I just wanna listen to a song, you're actually so annoying." Taylor faced to the other way.

"Pfft whatever." I scoff and also face to the other direction.

I turned my head and saw Conrad smiling at me and looking down.
He gives me a thumbs up. "You got this" he mouths.

That sort of gave me butterflies.

Holy shit.

Is this happening right now?
Am I actually head over heels for a guy?

I don't know the way he just looked at me.

I smiled back at him.

Taylor turns around. "Uhm what the hell?" She says. "I knew something was going on between you two"

"No there isn't. And if there was, why? you jealous?" I ask.

"Not even a little bit." Taylor awnsers.

"Okay then just don't pay attention to my life" I say.

"Fine jeez" she goes back to taking photos.

Then I notice Conrad coming near me. He sits down more next to me.

"So how are things going with Taylor?" He whispers into my ear.
"Shit." I whisper back into his ear.

"Hey Conrad-" I say.
"Mhm?" He nods.
"Did you know I've never kissed a guy before?" I ask him to get my mind off of the heights we're on right now.

"Really?" He says.
I nod.

I kinda wanted to try to kiss him to see if I actually like him, if that makes sense. I don't know, having a crush on him doesent really feel right.

I notice Taylor looking at us in disgust.
Suddenly I'm all nervous.
What is going on?

Then I felt something.

Conrad kissed me. Conrad Fisher fucking kissed me.

Why did it feel gross? Why did it not feel right? Is kissing always so gross? Is it the person? Is it the gender.

"Now you've kissed someone." He smiles at me. 
My gaze widened.

Taylor immediately looked away like she was triggered and put her headphones in listening to music. "Slut" she whispered to herself with a shaky voice so I couldn't hear it, but I did. I didn't say anything back though.

Everyone else on the hot air balloon didn't even notice anything. They were turned around looking at the view taking photos being loud. They were in a whole other world.

The only one who noticed was Belly. Something I noticed was that she immediately looked over to Taylor.
Why?!

"I'm sorry Conrad I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable." I push him away gently.
"I know you don't like me like that, that's why I kissed you. I noticed you thinking you liked me for a second, but you dont" he whispered into my ear proving a point.

"I know im sorry. I think im just forcing myself to like a guy at this point." I say.

"It's okay, life is full of experiments. It's good to find out who you actually are from a young age." He comforts me.

I look over at Taylor. She's still looking away.

"Im sorry, Conrad this was really weird." I tried to put into words.

"It's fine. I understand. I kissed you for you to realize how kissing boys is and then try to find out your path." He explains to me.

"But am I now automatically a lesbian or what? I don't get this." I ask.

"No. You can be so many other things. Aromantic, bisexual and shit." He laughs.

"Thank you." I wanted to figure out who I really am. Even though I was scared to.

I was scared of changing into someone people wouldn't like or support. If I would become a unsympathetic, weird asshole.

I was most scared if people would see me differently and would see me as a turn off. Or wouldn't even want to be my friend.

I don't even know how to find out who I am. I'm just so so so confused. So confused.

I want to know who I am but at the same time I'm so scared to.

—