Sensual Redamancy

Chapter 7

•SOFIA•

The numbness biting at every muscle in my body, mixed with a nauseating wave of disgust overwhelmed me to the point where my tears ran dry, the silent battle in my head quietening eerily.

I had no idea how long I'd been slumped on the cold floor against the shut door, recollecting memories, overthinking and fighting to bear the stabbing pain in my chest.

The torrential rain hadn't toned down an inch, the intensity strengthening into a horrendous thunderstorm.

Rain pelted loudly on the rooftops, purple streaks of lighting flashing before thunder roared loudly, shaking me to my core.

I'd lost count of the number of times the lights had flickered on and off, violent wind howling, creating an eerie sound that made blind terror seize me ruthlessly.

The night was scary, cold and dark. I was alone, hurting and broken.

Was he still there right behind the door like he'd promised? Had he been patient enough to wait for me to calm down and decide if I could trust him or I was just too slow and indecisive for him?

I felt more tears prick my eyes at those thoughts.

I needed someone to hold me and tell me it was okay so bad. I needed to listen to someone's heartbeat while they held me close to their chest and convince me I'd survived and not everyone was a monster.

He'd offered that, asking me to let him in, but I couldn't. My mind was a frenzy, thoughts scattered and chaotic.

I hugged my knees a little bit tighter, sniffing and sobbing into my lap.

I needed him. I needed him so bad I felt my heart call out to him.

I didn't want to be afraid of him or take heed of everyone's words about the kind of man he was.

He was my husband and he'd been nothing short of caring and humane since we'd met. If he'd shown up even a minute later-

No.

I'd made it out alive and unharmed. I couldn't punish myself by thinking of what could have happened. I deserved so much better than the pain I was feeling. It was breaking me and I wasn't sure I could take it any longer without shattering beyond repair.

I quietly stood on my feet, flinching a little at the sound of lightning with my hands crossed, rubbing my goosebumps-peppered arms. I was still in a towel, cold and shivering. I'd most probably catch a cold sooner or later.

I slowly walked across the room, aiming at the navy blue robe hung on a hook on the wall. I grabbed it and slipped it on, fastening the belt into a comfortably secure knot on my waist. The fabric was soft and warm enough to slowly replace the coldness seeping into my bones.

I looked to my side, facing a mirror. I looked terrible, eyes and face in general puffy and red. I wasn't okay and didn't feel like concealing it because the more I did, the more it ate me up from the inside. I was done bleeding emotionally and hurting while pretending I was okay.

I didn't want to be alone. I needed someone to be there for me and for that to happen, I had to be bold enough to open that door and overcome my insecurities.

I slowly ambled towards the door, different thoughts eddying around my mind. Did he mean his words when he said he wouldn't leave me? I didn't want to get disappointed after taking this big of a leap of faith.

I stood facing the wooden door, taking a deep breath with my hand on the doorknob. Just a twist to the knob and I'd expose myself to the real world, flashing my pain and scars. Was I ready? I'd never find out if I stayed secluded inside my cocoon.