Sensual Redamancy

Chapter 27

•SOFIA•

"Dominic, please don't do this to me," I begged softly with masked defeat, casting my eyelids downwards to shield the disobedient tears emerging. "Things are hard enough already and I don't need you making things worse."

Hard was a terrible underestimation of the gravity of the situation we were in, a mere word having nothing on the inner turmoil tormenting me and tearing up my insides into meaningless shreds.

Fuck.

When I'd rehearsed my divorce plan with Raquel all night, it'd been way easier and simpler without all these overwhelming emotions gnawing at my guilty conscience now that I had him right before me, looking at me the way he was.

He looked beyond betrayed, distraught and seconds away from dismantling into a depressing state that'd thrust me into a dark bottomless pit of self-hate and self-blame.

I couldn't fathom what he had going through his mind given the ultimatums I'd given him and what effect the piling divorce papers I flooded at him had on his perspective of our contract marriage.

He'd ripped every one of the papers to pieces, every single piece eliciting feelings of hope inside me that my plan would be a success, but something deep inside told me he'd eventually reach a breaking point and reason in a way I didn't want him to.

With all the weight he had on his shoulders because of his father's swelling scandal, the pressure could easily influence him to give in, let me go and punish me with his absence for the rest of my life.

I didn't want to divorce him, not today, not the day after. Never. I wanted to be his wife for as long as eternity lasted and that entailed keeping my vows to him. 

If he could make sacrifices for me and fight my battles for me, why couldn't I do the same for him? Why couldn't I be by his side and support him through every twist and turn thrust in our direction?

I could. Only if he'd crack and let me be his wife as much as he was a dutiful husband to me.

"If it's so hard," he finally spoke up, the aggression and disapproval in his voice firm but softly fading away as I held his eyes in mine, "why are you doing it?"

Because I want to be with you.

"Because I want it to stop being hard altogether and move on with my life like every other normal human being," I lied, my tone wavering.

Dominic chuckled bitterly, clenching his fist so hard I could see his veins jut out. "If you think separating yourself from me will make things any easier for you, then that's the biggest lie you've ever told yourself, Sofia and you fucking know it."

The confidence in his voice tugged at my heartstrings. He fucking knew it'd grown hostile living without him yet he was leaving me every day to live with his absence.

"You've been doing it perfectly well and easily since we came back from our honeymoon, Dom so why the hell can't I do the same?" I shot back, aggression fuelled by the emotions I felt bordering my voice. "I'll fucking get used to it until it's nothing but a distant memory."

Dominic banged his fist hard on the desk, springing up onto his feet as he leaned himself closer to me. "Who told you it's been easy for me and I've been handling it perfectly well?" he retaliated. "Do you have any fucking idea how brutal surviving with gruesome boundaries from the woman dominating my entire existence has been?"

"No!" I vented, rising to my feet to align our eye contact with my palms flat on the desk. "I have no fucking idea so please, do tell me. I've been waiting all my life to hear it from your mouth, Dominic."