His Golden Eyes

Dear Reader,

Hello <3 

I'm not sure how many people will see this. If I can only reach one person, even if that one person is myself, I will be so happy.

When I was writing this absolutely garbage story with no plot, shallow characters, and no real reason to keep going, I was a child. I was about 12-14 when I started writing for fun. I've returned to this silly dumpster fire to laugh at myself with my friends so many times. I've even tried to fix this story a few times over the years, but I'm afraid it is hopeless and I can't even remember what I was trying to write in the first place.

I am twenty-two years old now.

I am turning twenty-three in September. 

I still love to write. I type away in docs, word, and my notes app, little stories with no true destination.

Thought to finger tips. That's it. 

I started writing in middle school, and now I'm going into my 6th semester in university. I spoke one language when I began writing, and now I speak seven. My beliefs have changed. I have fallen in love, and had my heartbroken. I have failed and tried time and time again. My face and body have changed. My thoughts have changed. 

When I reflect on these stories, I seem to remember each moment that influenced me at the time. 

Leah/Liah, I sincerely can't remember the spelling of her name, oof... anyway, she's a reflection of myself but obviously I was a kid and couldn't write so who cares.

I wanted to look like Leah. I wanted to dress like her. I wanted to be treasured and guided by someone I could trust the way our beloved animated Uncle Iroh loved and guided all people. I gave her green eyes, because someone I loved had eyes so beautifully green. I gave her darker skin than mine (I'm Black btw) because my "medium" always irritated me. Not dark enough, not light enough... not Black enough, not White enough... Leah would never have to go through that. I gave her my childhood crush, a skill I always wanted (woodcarving), and even though it comes up like... once, I always wanted to be special, so Leah is an airbender... How? I didn't care. 

No one knows this but you now.

Adulthood has made me anxious and overly cautious. 

I would type this story in glitchy little tablet and submit the chapter just a few minutes later. Now I'm being told to check three times, revise, use Grammarly, read it to a rubber duck... all of these things (btw, I'm not an English major, I'm an actress/model getting certified to teach English abroad with a minor in computer programming...and a headache)

I want to write for fun again, so I'm going to. I love my silly little Leah and I want to turn her into something beautiful. Beautiful to me. I want to embrace mistakes again. 

Thank you for being on this mind-numbing  journey with me. Even if you hate this book, laugh at it, or cringe. I am sending you love.

- Wild Horses