A smile played around the corners of his lips, and so did mine. It had calmed me down a little. Now, I knew what he was going to ask me. I just did not know the answer.
"may I?"
"yes, sure." I am dead.
"Haven't seen you around here. Work?"
"No, just running. Found this place and I was hungry from all that running."
"Okay. This place is great."
We talked like some old cranky people who have nothing to discuss other than pointing out the obvious and say Yea every now and then. Very awkward. Doing small talks seemed like the biggest task.
He cleared his throat so I looked up. But. There was a long pause. Again. I thought, he was sleeping but he was not. He was struggling with something. Something he wanted to ask me perhaps.
"I know what you think of me"
My face had warmed up. I did not want to talk about this or anything. Why did he bring it up? Did he feel guilty?
"You know?" I had to be a little cocky about it "and yet you chose to do this?"
"It's not what you think?"
"There is no space left for MY THINKING. Who gives a damn what do I think?"
"I care about it."
"You care? Really? Is that why you asked me to marry you?"
He stared at me blankly.
"Exactly. That is what I think"
The whole thing escalated to a heated argument quickly. Last I wanted was a public scene. So, I asked the waitress for the bill.
"There is no need to worry about that. We are to be married anyway."
That was it. I fumed with rage. What the hell?!
"To hell with your marriage and you. I did not consent to any of those. I will never. I refuse to be your puppet. Period." I began to walk off.
"Your dad has already signed the deal. I'm sure you are aware of that. Don't you?"
I knew that but couldn't stop my eyes from welling up. My breathing quivered the more I stood there. The more I thought about it. I couldn't continue anymore. If I did, I knew I would break.
Once again, I failed. I had failed myself. I was meant to take stand. Fight this. Fight for me. But I failed myself. Let it be my dad or him, they will always be the reminder of my disturbing fate.
Next day----~~~~~~~~~
I was carefully examining a caterpillar when Edna shouted. She has always been the hyperactive maniac sweetheart. I am the opposite. I am sure you have sensed it by now. Edna was not calling for me though but having a fit with her mom. They banter all the time. Keeps the house lively.
"What is it this time?" I questioned as they eyed each other up and down.
"She thinks she remembers everything" Edna declared pointing at her.
"Which is absolutely correct! It is not my duty to remember your shit! Yet I do. Yet I do......"
"So why don't you remember then where'd you put that stupid cup of yours?"
"It's cuz I gave it you!"
"omg for the last time, I did not take it. I have never seen it"
"Now she has gone blind! Just look at you making up all the lies!"
"I AM NOT LYING. I don't have it"
"I have seen you"
"When was that? IN YOUR SLEEP?"
They are funny. But they were being very serious about the 'cup'.
"I'm thinking of taking up a job" I interjected. They forgot about the cup almost instantly. Their angered expressions had softened. They knew me more than anyone. So, I had to run it by them first. I waited for their response.
"I'm with you if that's your decision" Edna smiled.
"Don't you dare throw my child into that wild imagination of yours." Mabel frowned at Edna for encouraging me. She came closer to me and took my face into her hard palms. "If you are doing this just to get back at your dad, I am never going to support you. But if you are doing this to be independent and strong, then that brat will help you get you a job." She smiled at end.
I was doing this for both the reasons, 50/50 but Mabel did not need to know that. So, when she asked why I'm doing this? I lied to her face.
