Kpop sickfics (requests closed temporarily)

Enhypen niki- mental health

This was requested, hope you enjoy it:)
Sorry it has taken so long a lot has been happening!

Tired. That's how I felt. Sometimes I lay awake and wonder what my life would be like if I never became an idol.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job but it's not always as great as everyone thinks it is. It's exhausting... and not just physically.

Ever since I-land started I began to care what others thought of me, reading everyone's opinions of me. That was just the beginning.

My alarm rang, waking me up. I turned over, turning it off. Me and the group had rehearsal today. I sat up, yawning before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

I let the water fall on me, relaxing me just a little. I washed my hair and body before stepping out, getting changed. I put on a grey hoody and black sweatpants.

I dried my hair, pulling my hood up and made my way downstairs. I sat on the couch, waiting for everyone else to get ready. I hated feeling like this, feeling unmotivated, feeling tired, feeling like I want everything to end.

The worst thing is, I have everything. I have a loving family, I have an amazing group, I have my dream job, but why do I still feel like I want everything to stop.

I walked downstairs, being met with the sight of my members already sat down at the table, talking and having breakfast. I sat down in between jay and heeseung, having a glass of water." are you not going to have any pancakes niki?" sunoo asked. I put my glass down, thinking about a way that I could answer his question without causing anyone to worry. " umm no, I'm not really hungry". I don't think it worked by the looks the members gave me, but I pretended not to notice and started a conversation with Jungwon to escape the tension.

Everyone was stopped at what they were doing by the sound of jay, " our manager is going to be here in five minutes so can everyone go and get their stuff please". We all did as we were told, getting up and getting our stuff. today's rehearsal was a lot longer today, at approximately all day. This was because we had to also rehearse for our MAMA performance as well as our usual ones. However, the worst part is that after rehearsal I still have to practice my solo.

I made my way back downstairs with my bag, joining the rest of my members before heading to the van. I sat in the middle of sunghoon and heeseung. I put my headphones in, turning on my music. Lately music has been my only source of comfort, so I turn it on any chance I get.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up, seeing sunghoon mouthing something. I took of my headphones " are you okay?" " y-yeah why wouldn't I be?" that was a lie. " I mean you seemed deep in thought, you didn't even realise that everyone else is already inside". I looked around, the van was empty apart from me, sunghoon and our manager, how did I not notice. "let's go, the others will be wondering where we are". I nodded, following him into the studio.

I put down my bag next to the others, taking out my phone to quickly text my mom. Lately, I have been wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't moved to Korea to become a kpop idol, would I be happy?. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I love singing and dancing, I'm were I wanted to be, but it's hard. Sometimes I forget I'm still young, that I'm still growing up. Since moving here I have had to become more independent, relying on only myself. Don't get me wrong, my members are supportive and loving, but they too have their own things to deal with other then me.

I put my phone down, joining the warmup. Before could start, the manager pulled me aside. " hey niki, so tomorrow we have booked you another show, however, this one you will do a performance then an interview" I was shocked, I already have a long day and other performances to practice, they already know that. " but I have a long day today and have other performances I need to work on" do they not think I have enough stuff to do already " look niki, this will really help increase the groups popularity and help us achieve a lot more" what he was saying was right, but I don't think I'll be able to do it, I mean I'm already struggling and doing all that extra work seems impossible. " I do want that for our group, I really do but I just don't think I'll be able to do it. I've already got a lot of schedules and rehearsals, doing all that will be too much" I had to be honest.