🚩kiss it off me - nomin au

Chapter Ten

|Jaemin

Kihyun left as soon as we were done and I can't help but to feel lonely. It came like I was splashed by a bucket of water out of nowhere.

My white shirt was lying on the floor when I picked it up to wear so as my boxers. The clock is noisy, I can hear it. For some reasons, it felt loud and it's banging inside my head.

The temptation finally took over me and I searched for a stick of cigarette in my bag, and I found one. It was already worn out from all the stuff it came with but it's still smokeable.

I also took out the metallic lighter I had from my bedside drawer and went out to the small veranda just by the kitchen.

There was a wooden stool there by the railings and I sat down leaning my back on the cold steel bars. My plants are dry, it's been days since I watered them since I always forgot. Jeno waters them for me.

I lit up the cigarette between my lips and inhaled some. The smoke of nicotine went down my throat just to be exhaled again with all of my burdens.

Just a block away, the second veranda where I'm facing at, which is Jeno's. The lights were turned on and two figures came out.

And there I saw him with a pretty bright smile in between words of whatever he was saying, talking to what I suppose his girlfriend. They sure look like they're having a good time.

Their atmosphere looked so bright with the fluorescent light above them and Jeno's beloved hanging plants swaying with the night's cold wind. And then there's that empty veranda drawing a line between us... or our apartments. And my dark veranda, with my half-dead plants, the light at the end of my cigarette as the only sign of brilliance around me. And me... who's watching them about to kiss.

Jeno has his back facing my direction and I couldn't seem to move. I am paralyzed on my seat with only my hands moving to my mouth to take the cigarette away and exhale.

I feel empty. I feel like I'm about to cry but it won't come out.

Why do I feel betrayed?

The scene before me got a lot worse. Their kisses became more intense and they went back inside as the tension worsens. Jeno has his hands inside the woman's shirt and they were gone in my sight, the lights were turned off.

My right hand shook as I remove the cigarette from my lips. I felt weak and drained and I can't help but to throw my head back, leaning it on the railings. With the same hand that holds my cigarette between my fingers, I covered my eyes with my arm. The tears finally flowing down.

Why do I care so much? That's his life, for fuck's sake! I shouldn't care who he fucks with, not when I invalidated his feelings towards me.

But... but why does it hurt?

—

I woke up with someone knocking on my door and I noticed that I was sleeping on my bedroom floor. My face feels heavy and my mind's blank.

I just went to the door to check who it was knocking so early in the morning.

"You were still sleeping. Sorry, I didn't know," Jeno was there. And I wonder why he was knocking when he knew the passcode to enter.

"What time is it?" I asked him. My throat feels really dry right now and it hurts to talk.

"It's 11:30 in the morning. I came to tell you that mom's coming over with foods she made and she was wondering if we could have lunch... together. The three of us," he informed and I nodded weakly.

"Sure... sure. I'll come over once I'm done getting ready," I said, tapping my fingers behind the door uneasily.

"Right. I'll see you later," he said and left.

I closed the door right after and I caught my balance by leaning on the door. I was so intoxicated of whatever I was doing last night that I'm having a hang over for no goddamn reason.

Well, whatever. It's not like it can't be done with Advil and coffee. I'll just grab some before I go.

I went to the bathroom and took a quick bath. The cold water gave me a shiver but then washed out all my fatigue away. Cold showers are really therapeutic, huh?

While the water from the shower poured on me, I decided to organize my thoughts and set my priorities right.

There's the semestral project and the other units, plus my non-academic organization tasks. I still have to sort things out from one of my rotary clubs, and then manage some events for our department.

And there's...

And there's my emotional being, crushed into powder.

Maybe I could just sweep it to the corner for now. I'll take care of it once I'm through.

I rinsed my body off of body soap and shampoo then grabbed a towel just outside the shower.

Suddenly, there was a notification from my phone just by the sink.

Kihyun
    last night was WILD. looking forward to working wit u on our project😉

This guy...

He fits my ideal type perfectly that it's giving me the ick. Should I just date him? I mean, he got a big dick, so why not?

I choose a white shirt and a gray sweatpants from my closet and sprayed some cologne before I went out of the apartment.

Just when I closed the door, I saw Jeno's mother and his girl talking by the hallway. Of course, with Jeno in between them and they all looked friendly.

It seemed like the girl was just about to leave his apartment.

I hesitated to approach right away and waited so that either of them walk away (especially the girl I've never met). And when that finally happened, I slowly made my way towards Jeno's apartment and I feel so indifferent, like it was my first time coming over.

"There you are, Jaemin!" Jeno's mother spotted me and went for a huge hug. I hugged her back tightly as I wasn't intended to. She just feels so comforting.

Which was ironic when I suddenly feel weird being around her son.

"Look at you, son. You got skinny. Have you been eating well, my dear?" she asked without letting me go.

I chuckled. "I think I am, Mrs. Lee." I answered.

She finally let me go and turn towards her son, carrying her bags to keep on moving.

"Didn't I tell you to keep an eye on Jaemin? School is hard that's why you should check on each other. Aigoo," she scolded and Jeno took the bags from his mother.

"Why are you scolding me when I exactly did what you told me? And good thing you're here, mom. So I could finally say something. You," then he looked towards me.

"You should eat a lot today since mom brought a lot. I don't want to hear any news you collapsed at campus or something," and... he walked away first.

Are you really concerned about me? Or just because you're mom is here?

"That's right, son. I brought everything you like so make sure to eat a lot," Mrs. Lee held on to my arm as we walk inside Jeno's apartment.

The space was clean and tidy as usual.

"Really? How about Jeno's?" I asked her teasingly.

"Oh, he can eat whatever is in there," she laughed and I can't help but smile.