maeve rojas-one of us is dying

Maeve

I start my car as I pull away from my oncologists office, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself down. As my doctor said, it could be nothing, this has happened before and it was nothing.
As I change gears, I feel a slight prickle of pain in my arm from where the needle was. I ignore it. After years of blood tests I'm beyond used to the feeling. You can't have had cancer and be scared of a needle. Today it was a CBC to check my white blood cell count and a bone marrow biopsy to confirm the results of the CBC. I've done this roundabout many times before and while it's not fun, I'm used to it. As I keep telling myself, I need to remain calm and think that it will all turn out for the best. On the other side of the coin, I can't get my hopes up too much and can nowhere near rule out the second possibility, no matter how crushing that is.

-

In café Contigo, I meet Knox after assuring Bronwyn everything went to plan. My parents faces when I told them, despite Bronwyn's offer to do it, was devastating, so much so that I told them not to come and I'd tell them when I had more news. Thank god I'm eighteen now and have that choice. Now I just have to wait twenty four hours for the results.
I see Knox sitting by himself at our usual corner table and I sit down. Luis comes by as we make small talk and puts down a plate of alfajores and a coffee in front of me. " On the house" he grins and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks" I smile you at him, hoping to appear normal. " I go on break in 15, so I'll be back soon" he winds his way back to the kitchen and I watch him go, before turning to Knox and telling him everything.

-

Ten minutes later, Knox is staring at me silently." I just thought you should know" I finish awkwardly, trailing off at the end.
"God Maeve, I'm so sorry, this is bullshit." Knox bangs his first on the table. "Hey hey," I say, grabbing his hand. "I'm gonna be okay. It's probably just a false alarm anyway"
"But what if it's no-"
"Then I'll deal with it. But please keep your voice down, I haven't told Luis and I'm not going to unless..."
"Okay" Knox says in a small voice, staring at the ground.
"I'm sorry" I say, my voice catching in my throat. I twist my hands together, hoping to appear more calm than I actually feel, staring at the new bruise on my wrist that appeared this morning.

"You okay, babe?" I look up and see Luis looking down at me, brow furrowed, concerned. " Yeah, fine." I quickly rearrange my features and glance over ta Knox to see him gazing at me like I'm about to drop dead. Well, I suppose I could.
"You sure, you haven't eaten or drank anything?" Luis sits down and pulls a chair closer to me.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm just not very hungry, I say, swallowing some coffee, even though it makes me want to be sick. I've had no appetite whatsoever all day but I don't want Luis to worry.
"Okay, if you're sure" Luis says, though he's still looking at me weirdly. I quickly excuse myself as I feel a warm sensation build up behind my nose and run to the bathroom just as it starts gushing. Instead of wiping it though, I go to a cubicle and throw up. I shakily wipe both my nose and my mouth with the back of my hand and sit back on my heels feeling drained. I don't know if I can do this anymore.