Balik - Tanaw | HeeJay

Balik - Tanaw : IV.

JICE

The last place we promised to go to was Switzerland. We promised we would buy a house here and just make it as a vacation visit house. I’ve been here since yesterday. All I could think of was the days we talked about doing stuffs here at Switzerland. We promised to go to different bouquet shops, because you love flowers. We promised to go picnic with a nice scenery to top off. We promised to visit here every semester break. Yet, I’m the only one now who could do all of those.

I don’t care if you’re not here with me physically, because I know you’re here within my heart. I’ve been figuring out what to do here in Switzerland. Should I invite my friends over, so I’m not gonna be alone? or enjoy this vacation while I’m all alone?

I went to their market here at Switzerland, and all I could digest is that the flowers here are healthy and very pretty. I wonder what would be your reaction when you see all of these? It was so pretty that I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

I went to shops that sells souvenirs, so that I have something to put on my shelf. I also bought a keychain and other things here. I went back to the hotel suite and just enjoy the night at the veranda.

“Hi, journal. Ito na naman ang pogi. It’s been what? 2 years? I missed writing in this journal. Na- miss ko ’to. I’ve been so caught up with my condition na nawalan na ako ng gana sa lahat. Nawalan ako ng gana magsulat ng kanta, magsulat dito, nawalan ng gana gawin ang mga gusto. Hindi ko na alam gagawin. As days passes by, patuloy na akong nanghihina. Ang hina ko na. Ang payat ko na. Nawalan na ako ng gana kumain, tumayo, at magligalig pa. Nawalan na ako ng gana sa buhay. Nakakapagod din pala ’tong ganito. Gabi- gabi nalang akong gising— ginigising ng mga umaalig sa isipan ko. Hindi ako mapakali, hindi ko na kaya. Any day by now, parang mamatay na agad ako. Ang sakit makarinig ng mga mahihinang hikbi mula sa mga mahal ko sa buhay, para akong natusukan nang kung anong masakit sa puso.

Ma, Pa, Hindi ko na po kaya. Nanghihina na po ang pogi niyong panganay. Hindi ko na kaya, Ma, Pa. Pagpahingain niyo na po ako. Hindi ko na rin po kayang marinig kayong humihikbi gabi- gabi. I can’t bare to witness all of those. Ma, Pa, Let me go na po. Ito lang po request ko sa inyo. Mahal na mahal ko kayo, Ma, Pa. Sobra- sobra.

Hashly, baby brother ko. I’m sorry if hindi na kaya ni Kuya ha? Patawad if sa ganitong edad mo ito masaksihan, hindi na kasi kaya ni Kuya e. ’Di bale na, bunso, tatanawin naman kita kahit saan ka e. Kuya will protect you. Kuya will always protect you. Whenever am I, Hashly, nandito lang si Kuya sa tabi mo. Hindi ako mawawala sa puso mo. Mahal kita, Hashly, baby bro. Bantayan mo sila Mama at Papa ha? Ikaw na panganay na bunso ngayon. Mahal kita, Hashly. Mahal ko kayo.