Diary of a Gay Teenager

Chapter 4 - Junior Year (Part 2)

So now this part of the story starts off in the beginning of the second semester of my Junior year. So this guy who has been in my English all school year now came into my History class. It turned out that he was friends with my best friend in that class so we started to become friends. During this time though I was still in a really bad place and I started talking to this guy who lives in the city next to me. I was tired of the pain I was feeling so I would ask random guys to have sex with me so I could hide all the pain that I was feeling. One day the guy from the city next to me came over and we made out and felt each other and other stuff. We didn't have sex but we did other things. He asked me to have sex but I freaked out and said no. After that night we texted a lot but the next week he started to ignore me and I had no clue why (we mainly talked through Facebook). I decided to text him and he responded "who is this?". I got really sad and told him it was me and asked him why he ignored me and he flat out told me that he already had a boyfriend and that he can't talk to me ever again. This put me in a very bad place and it made me question who I should trust. A few days after this happened if out d out that the guy from my English/ History class was gay and we started flirting a lot. I decided to tell him that I am gay and I told him my whole story. He gave me so much support and he made me feel so much better. He gave me hope that I'll find a guy who will treat me nice and that I can come out to my family and friends. I started falling for him really hard and I told my two other friends in my History class that I'm gay so I could talk to them about my crush and they were supportive and we're trying to help me get with him. He told me that he wanted to be friends with benefits and of course I said yes because I figured it would get me closer to him. We never really got around to actually doing anything though. He was talking to this guy who was a complete asshole. The guy had a girlfriend but said that he was really attracted to my friend and not the girl. I hated the guy so much and I got into a huge argument with my friend/crush about him and then (me being the idiot that I am) I told him my feelings for him. He shut me down so fast, called the friends with benefits off, and said that he was going to "give me space" to get over him. I felt like complete crap after this because he made me so happy again and he brought me out of the dark, depressing hole that I dug myself into. And now he put me right back in that place. After this I chose to try to just stay alone for the rest of the school year and I wanted to just focus on getting the confidence to out myself.

*Part 3 coming soon guys! Thank you so much for all of your support<3*