Diary of a Gay Teenager

Chapter 1 - 7th Grade

So this all began back in 7th grade. You know how middle school is, everyone thinks they are in "relationships" when really at that age you don't even know what love is. So I was "dating" this really pretty girl that a lot of guys thought were hot. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the school to have this girl. I loved the feeling I'd get when we kissed or held hands so I figured there was nothing wrong with me. This new guy came to the school and I got a weird feeling (no matter how cheesy this sounds, it's true) like I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. A few weeks after, my "girlfriend" dumped me and I was devastated. The new boy was in my class and he sat next to me and we quickly became friends. He knew how to cheer me up and helped me quickly get over that girl. At this time I wasn't aware that I had feelings for him, I thought I just liked him as a friend. Lucky for us we lived super close to each other so we hung out a lot over the summer and we ended up in the same 8th grade class. It was in this year that I realized that I was attracted to guys.

So one night me and my friend decided to have a sleepover, it was just us staying up all night and playing video games but we ended up getting tired fast. We both slept on the floor but we were super close to each other and that's when it happened. We were so close that our faces practically touched and I could feel his body heat. It was kind of awkward but I couldn't help but get a little turned on by the experience. I quickly grabbed his face and started making out with him until he pulled away. At first he seemed pretty pissed off, which made me feel like shit, but once he realized what I was going through he quickly apologized. I can't even explain how grateful I am that he was so accepting. Even after that embarrassing experience we still remained best friends (until he moved away in the end of Sophomore year). After that night I started to realize my feelings for guys. Kissing him felt so much better than when I kissed a girl and it just felt right. I constantly denied it and told myself that I can't be gay and that I need to grow up to have a wife and kid line every other normal boy's future would be like. I struggled with being in denial about my sexuality for many years and that's only the start of my journey..