MUTE.

twenty-two. (new)

with a loud gasp, you abruptly sat up, cold sweat trickling down your face as you tightly clenched the blanket draped over your lower half.

your heart was pounding in your ears, the loud thunder making you even more nervous.

with shaky breaths, you had laid back down on the bed, staring intently at the ceiling as you tried to steady your breathing.

it always worked on you whenever you had a nightmare but it seems to do you no good this time.

you turned to look at the window beside your bed, tears burning your eyes before you decided to climb out of the bed, wrapping the blanket over yourself as you hastily ran to mai's bedroom.

mai was just about to drift off to sleep when she heard someone knocking, she turned to look at the door before sighing.

"hold on," mai muttered, pushing her blanket to the side before opening the door, "n/n? what's wrong..?"

you hiccuped and threw your arms around the female, her hands settling around your waist as she pulled you inside the room.

"nightmare?"

you nodded.

it was embarassing, you were both basically the same age and to be comforted like this was making you uneasy.

but then again, when did anyone ever comfort you?

sorcerers shouldn't cry, that was what your parents had drilled into your head ever since you were young and so, it ended up in you bottling your emotions until the very end.

in this new life however, everyone had encouraged you to stop keeping your emotions to yourself.

you thought it was silly at first but when shinichiro had been ripped off of your life, that was the first time you've cried so much you couldn't breathe.

"you wanna.. wait, nevermind," mai sighed, laying down on her bed, patting the space between her and the wall, "just come here"

she was about to ask you what the nightmare was about but then it'd be a hassle for you to write now or sign.

she'll ask about it tomorrow, or not, she had quite a good idea of what it was about.

you settled down beside her and curled in on yourself, mai's arms wrapping around your slightly trembling body.

"it's alright, just a nightmare."

right.

it was just a nightmare.

but then again, who wouldn't react like how you did if they went through what you did?

you could stand it when it showed you fights from your previous life but then it drifted to you watching nanami die.

watching yuuji's vacant eyes and nobara's scared ones as they watched you drop to the ground.

watching how your brain made out the events play out after you died. 

yuuji carrying your body away from the scene and onto somewhere safe where everyone else was. maki's eyes drifting to your lifeless form as her heart sank, she had just lost her twin sister and now you? oh, isn't that cruel. yuta's face contorting into one of disbelief as he took you in his arms, laughing dryly as he tried shaking you awake. while panda just stared at the side, his eyes never leaving your face as his eyes slowly welled up with tears.

and then shinichiro.

as if it wasn't enough, flashbacks of what happened that night filled your head again.

shinichiro's weight on your lap as he held your hand tightly, a reassuring smile on his face as his blood continued to soak your clothes, words of comfort flowing out of his mouth despite feeling himself drift off onto unconsciousness, the warmth that always reminded you of home slowly disappearing along with the light in his warm eyes.

"-n/n? y/n? hey, are you okay..?"

no.

you nodded.

mai sighed, her brows furrowing in concern before pulling you closer to her body, running her fingers through your hair in hopes of at least easing your nerves just a little bit.

"it'll be alright. i'm here, everything's gonna be fine. i'm not gonna let anyone hurt you, junpei and i will always be here to protect you now"

how embarassing.

if anything, you should be the one protecting them because you knew you were stronger

but then again, how could you protect them when you couldn't even protect shinichiro?

how pathetic.

an inumaki, a former grade one sorcerer, gojo's former student, and yet you couldn't even protect one person.

how useless.

why were you even here?

it wasn't like you were doing anything good.

if anything, you've just been fooling around, having fun because you wanted to live life like how you wanted to now that you don't have to worry about things like curses.

the world is cruel, isn't it?

but who were you to complain? you should be glad you even got another chance at life.

but if life was like this then you were better off just dead.

it wasn't helping how your brain had started telling you that things were only just gonna go downhill from here.

unedited.