This is something I wrote to one of my teachers, but didn't end up sending. I'm finally working up the courage to post it here. I will be substituting names.
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I'm writing this to explain everything that goes on at school on a daily basis. I don't know who i'll send this to, or even IF this will be sent to anyone, but I'm hoping somebody eventually finds this. This is a day of my life. A repeating day that I hope stops soon.
I get out of my car, usually around 7:15- 7:30. I know if I arrive any earlier, I will have to wait outside, giving people the chance to say something to me. I walk in through the A wing, even though I'm on the C wing. It's the rule. A crummy one. It gives the other kids time to stare and get their in jokes about me.
"Why is she carrying a stuffed animal?"
"What an emo freak"
I ignore all the comments, as they shouldn't bother me. I finally arrive at my wing, and I almost immediately wish i could go back to the hallway, where there were people I didn't know saying things to me.
I talk with my "Friends", and head to my homeroom. As soon as I enter the single door frame of Mr. A's homeroom, I regret it. The first people to look and talk about me are the popular girls, A, C, and their little clique.
Then it's the boys. And Then it's everybody except for the kid in the back of the room, my only true friend, S.
They hug me, comfort me. They CARE about me.
I go to reading. Not too much trouble. It's only every boy in the classroom staring at me. Except P. He couldn't stare even if he tried. I see K and his friends snicker. I hold it all in. Again, these people aren't my friends, so it shouldn't hurt me. Right? Yea, right.
Before I know it, the class is over. My mind was flooded with so many things that I just simply didn't do the work. Maybe next class will be different.
Science rolls around, I sit down, waiting for my "Friends". G and K sit down. Ignoring everything around them, Including me. A makes an occasional few comments, but she quickly pipes down once the lesson starts. Next thing I know, Science is now over as well. Already? Wait, this is due soon! Oh well.
We continue to ELA, I sit next to G, but we rarely mutter a word to each other. I can hear C's comments about me. Just because I have headphones on, doesn't mean I'm deaf.
ELA is much easier to accomplish, as the work is easier, and I feel less pressured.
UA time is here. I wait for L, grabbing her hand. We walk down the hallway. The sixth graders scream and bark at me. Calling me an emo. I've heard worse. The tears that swell in my eyes quickly get wiped away.
It's time for french. This class is terrible. I greet madame N. I love her, but I can't wait for this term to end. I take my seat next to L, and listen to the comments being made about me. Mostly by the girls, but a few come from R. They don't know I can hear them, but they certainly know about the looks they give me, as well as the effect it gives me.
Not even half way into the day, and I'm on the verge of tears.
Class is over, again, no work done at all. Wow, now the eighth graders are here. Great. Me, A, and M all head over to our wing. The eighth graders don't faze them, but they certainly have an effect on me.
We split up, now it's math. The worst class. A, H, C, B, everyone that despises me is in this class. And it's even worse seeing how they all like to sit around me. I listen to the things they say. Each word feels like a paper cut, but not into my skin, my confidence, my will to live, my self esteem.
No work done in math, no surprise there.
Finally my last academic of the day. I prepare myself, not much can go wrong in ms. T's class. Geography is my least painful class. Barely any remarks are made. They know to save it for the cafe.
Lunch rolls around. The one thing I dread more than anything, I'd rather spend a day with a homophobe than go to lunch.
We sit right in front of the popular boys. Phones are taken out, pictures are taken, videos are taken, paper is thrown, words are bounced around. And what can I do? Suck it up and write it on a piece of green paper that nobody reads.
I gave up on green slips a while ago after my slips were ignored. I go to the assistant principals, who direct me to the guidance counselor, the counselor guides me to a green slip, and the green slip directs me back to the kids.
Lunch is over, finally. Or so everyone thinks. Just because we're out of the lunchroom, doesn't mean the behavior stops there. Kids bark at me, yell, scream whenever they feel I'm too close to them. Gag at the sight of me.
I go back to ms. T's class. I pack up and head to chorus.
Mrs. I gives me looks. She hates me almost as much as the other kids do. She goes out of her way to make sure that my day is ruined. Once that class is over, I quickly rush to the main door, wanting to go back to my homeroom where all the kids are.
My aunt had to move where she parked so I could walk to my car without getting harassed. I get in the car. "How was your day?" my aunt asks, but she already knows the answer. 'Just like every other day."
Again. I don't know if this will make it to anybody, but I hope it does
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and ya. that's my life. if you wanted to know, that letter was 1029 words long. that's 1/3 of a book chapter.
anyways- bye
