Im scared. Truly, undeniably scared.
As of 2021, I was sexually assaulted by somebody. I will call them A.
Me and A had a steady relationship for a few weeks, but then things started to go wrong. Once I started hanging out with other people, they quickly became jealous, and controlling of me. At first, I didn't mind, but then it got physical.
They would touch me without permission, slap me, elbow me, and make me feel bad. It got to the point where I was scared to even look at them.
I went to the mental hospital, and got some help, and they encouraged me to stay out of toxic relationships. So, with all the courage I had, I broke up with them. I was so scared, but in the end, they seemed completely fine with it, and we went back to being friends.
One night, my aunt was working, and made me sleep over at A's house. Biggest mistake she could ever make.
Once I got there, everything was fine. I was playing with A's little sister; in fact we were playing barbie's to be exact. Every now and then A would look over at us and smile.
Soon nighttime came, and we were all chilling on the couch. A's mom had left and went upstairs to grab some pillows and blankets for us. One second, we were talking about their little sister, and the next their lips were on mine.
I quickly moved away, and asked them why they kissed me, but they insisted that I had kissed them. To this day I don't even know who kissed who. I know deep down that it was A, but the level of manipulation coming from them started to make me believe that I had kissed them.
Once A's mom came back down, we set up fort and the floor, and laid down to go to sleep. But what A never told me, was that their dad was going to be there. So once their dad got there, he sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.
Around 10 minutes later, A's little sister started getting antsy, claiming she could not fall asleep. I felt really bad, so I asked her if there was anything that helped her fall asleep. She told me that singing calmed her down, so I sang to her until she fell asleep.
Afterwards, A's dad kept on harassing me about being loud, and how his daughter was just fine without me doing anything. A got mad at this and told their mom almost immediately. Their mom was quick to tell us that if we wanted to, we could sleep in her bed.
We both graciously accepted her offer and headed upstairs. Even though me and A had broken up, she still wanted to be safe, and had me sleep in her bed, and A sleep on the floor. I was thankful for this, and it felt very nice considering A's mom was like a mother to me.
Once A's mom had fell asleep, A ushered me to come sit with them on the floor. I was hesitant at first, but I did as I was asked. They pulled me into their lap and cuddled into me. I was surprised, but this was the first time in months that they had genuinely just sat and hugged me, so I allowed it.
Before I knew it, they had dragged me into their bedroom, and I was on their bed. I told them I wasn't so sure about doing anything, but I allowed the first make out session to happen. From there on out, they did unspeakable things, but I couldn't say no. I told them I wasn't ready, but I never said "no".
After all of that, they dragged me back into their mom's bedroom, and we both laid on the floor together. I was so traumatized that all I could do was cuddle the closer person near me. They told me to never tell anyone, and I was so scared, that when their mom questioned us about what we were doing together, I had told her I had a panic attack and A had calmed me down.
My reason in telling you all of this, is because I have a court trial with A on September 12. I'm scared. I don't want to go to court, but its too late to back out. This means that I have to be in the same courtroom as A, and I have to against them.
This feels so wrong to me, as A's mom will be their, and I can only imagine the horror as a mother to have your child to something like that. It's only natural for A's mother to take A's side, but it hurts me deeply seeing as she was like a mother to me. She helped on nights when I cried until I got sick.
So, yea, that's my vent. But don't worry, I'll still be updating stories even while I'm going thru this!
-Toby
