Do I Tell You I Love You?

Chapter 10: Bad idea

{Lisa's pov}

        Monday, 16th January 2017

1.pm:

"And you know, I'm really excited. I think Jennie-unnie will love it. I spent days to find her the perfect birthday present and..." Chaeyoung slowly stopped talking as her eyes wondered  somewhere in the cafeteria.

"What the hell is that?" She suddenly hissed excitedly, gripping my hand.

"Kim Hanbin is staring at you, Lisa-yah. Like seriously, girl, that boy is staring at you!"

"Crap." Unsure of what to do, but knowing that I needed to do something, I quickly hided my face with my hand and hissed, "Hide me."

"What?" she squeaked.

"Just tell me when he's gone, okay?" I begged, focusing my attention on the table. "Pretend you're talking to me or something."

Less than a minute later, Chaeyoung said, "Okay, he's not staring anymore."
Blowing out a breath, removed my hands.

"What's going on with you two?" she demanded. "I thought you were friends but I haven't seen you together for a while now."

"Nothing is going on with us," I shot back, cheeks burning. "And we are just busy."

Claire gave me a disbelieving look. "Well, that look he just gave you didn’t seem like nothing to me." She gave me the look before she said, "You have some explaining to do, missy."

"Explaining?" I called back. "About what?"

"About why that boy over there is looking at you like he wants to eat you up," she replied, and then pointed a blatantly obvious finger right at Hanbin – who was staring right at me again.

"I don’t know," I choked out. "I have no idea what's happening here."

I lied, I have.

But for my defense I tried to clear the air with him the morning after he came to our dorm.
But he was being a jerk.
and I was irrationally disappointed by this.
I was more than disappointed.
I was reeling.

I can't believe he said he doesn't wanna talk to me ever again.
That hurt me even more than it should. To the point where I wasn't even able to talk to Jisoo-unnie what happened.

Fortunately for me, I was gifted at diversion and denial, and after a few hours of not taking the bait, she'd given up on getting any more information out of me.
I was glad because I didn’t want anyone knowing how much of a mess I was on the inside.

And so, I haven’t spoken to Hanbin in nine days. It's is not a long time. I’ve noticed that as I get older, time seems to fly by in hyper-speed. You blink, and a week has passed. Blink again, and a year has gone by.
But ever since New years, time has reverted back to the way it was when I was little. When a school year felt like forever, and a summer never seemed to end. Time has slowed down, and it’s excruciating.

Suddenly Jinhwan-oppa stopped at our table and smiled down at me.

"Ladies," he acknowledged in that flirtatious tone I'd become used to him using as he slipped into a seat beside Rosé. "How are we doing today?"

Oh no. Where there is Jinhwan-oppa, there's always—

“oh, it’s you.” My eyes narrowed on Hanbin who stood awkwardly in front of the table.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” I whispered staring back at him, feeling like my heart was two seconds away from bursting out of my chest.

Jinhwan-oppa waved his hand gesturing to the seat next to me.“Get over here, bro.”

“Maybe we should just go,” he said.

“Nah, Lisa will behave. Besides, I can’t have my two favorite people arguing all year. Let's sit and talk it through."

The seat beside me suddenly quirked as Hanbin sat down and I felt the piece of bread I was chewing on wedge itself to the roof of my mouth.
Swallowing it down, I looked up at him, wide-eyed and confused.
not really understanding a damn thing that was happening here.

“Is this how it’s going to be now? The two of you, unable to be in the same room together?” Jinhwan-oppa pouted in that overdramatic way of his then groaned loudly. " Come on you two!"

Hanbin cleared his throat before turning to me, "How are you?" he asked, voice deep, eyes burning holes in mine.

"I'm good," I breathed. "How are you?"

He smiled nervously. "I'm good."

There's an awkward silence before he nudged me gently and seemed about to say something.

"Lisa! Rosé!" Our manager suddenly called us as he hurried toward our table. "quickly. Sajangnim is coming to your practice room in 5 minutes.

"Ohhh...but I still haven't finished my pizza." Rose whined as I got to my feet.

"Chaeyoung-ah it's your second pizza. Come on." I slide off the seat and looked at Hanbin. He looked so disappointed that I was leaving.
And I was too.
But I shouldn't be.

We hurried after our manager but before I leave the cafeteria I couldn't help but to turn around to see him.
He was staring right back at me.

And I wish I never turned around.

Because something inside of my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes like panic and anxiety and desperation and I don't know how to understand the image.