Do I Tell You I Love You?

Chapter 5: Decisions

{Lisa's pov}

Saturday, 31st December 2016

11:13pm:

Finally!
I'm out of that boring party!

I'm so tired and I want to just go home and crush into my warm bed and be done for the night. Plus this dress is so tight it's basically digging into my skin. And I feel like I can't breathe.

Jisoo-unnie is unsurprisingly enjoying this new year's gathering and seems to be having such a good time. It would be so mean of me to ask her to leave.
Oh and Chaeyoung is just so engaged in a conversation with Chanyeol sunbae-nim I'm pretty sure she didn't even hear me when I said I'm going out for fresh air.
And Jennie? I swear she was here 5 minutes ago. She was so stressed the whole evening-I don't know why to be honest-but at least she was the only one who seems to be willing to go home.

I won't lie, it's not so bad. I mean there are so many idols here and there.
And BamBam introduced me to many people all at once, like Jungkook, DK, Jaehyun, Jackson & Yogiyum -Of course he did that while embarrassing waving around the fact that we are childhood buddies.
But what can I say ? I'm so happy to meet all of those people it doesn't really matter.

Oh and I have to give some credit to Mino-oppa who introduced us to some of Twice members, and I have to say I seriously love Mina... After that he made us meet all of Exo members, on top of them Sihun who had been such a welcome company this whole evening.
I can say we get along really easily.

But I miss the boys...

I've talked with Bobby-oppa and Jay-oppa a few times here and there, but I haven't talked to Hanbin-oppa since the beginning of the party -before BamBam came to swoop me off to meet his friends.
And I was about to go back to Hanbin-oppa just when Mino stole me away again.

All boys are nice and fun, but no one can top off Bobby-oppa's hilarious jokes, Jinhwan-oppa's light personality and Hanbin-oppa's mere existence.

Anyways, back to present, where I'm currently standing out here in the garden.
My back to the wall while staring at the beautiful sky.

Not until I hear Jennie-Unnie's fainting voice around the corner. I round the wall I'm standing against to find Jennie-Unnie and surprisingly... Hanbin-oppa!

What the fuck they-

"I-Hanbin...I was...I'm in love with you!!" She practically yelled enough for me to hear even from this distance.

And God how I wished I didn't hear that. how I wished to go back in time and to never leave that boring party going on inside.

because in this moment something inside me just cracked.
I can hear the sound, loud and clear.
I can feel the remnants shattering. Piece by piece, they gather at the dark corners of my chest.

And before she can say anything else that can break my heart into even smaller pieces.
I run all the way around the mansion to the back of the house where I crushed hard into one of the chairs at the pool.

How couldn't I see it, I've watched them together everyday since we ere trainees but it never crossed my mind that she had a crush on him.
She was the closest thing I have to a best friend and I never noticed.
I continued to have this crush on him while she was herself doing so.

God, I'm such an awful person.
I'm the fucking worst friend in history.

And that exact fact, not him being my first crush, not the fact of her not telling me although I'm her best friend. But the the fact that I betrayed her and never saw the truth.

That exact same thought broke me.

And as I stare at my small hands, the first tear falls on the side of my palm.
The second follows. Then the third.
I sniffle, trying to hold back the tears.
Only this time, I can't fight the tide.
So I let it loose.

I cried for what felt like hours until I felt a slight tap on my shoulders and in my blurry sight I managed to catch the folded tissue that was being handed to me.

I try to whip my tears, sniffle loudly and look up to find Sihun sunbae-nim's kind face staring back at me over my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" I think I hear him say but I'm not quite sure.

And I burst into tears all over again while he sank down beside me wrapped an arm around my shoulder and held me tight while I continued crying.

Right on that moment, I made the decision to never talk to Hanbin-oppa again.

And that's what I did.