Do I Tell You I Love You?

Chapter 7: White lies

{Lisa's pov}

            Friday, 6th January 2017

11.pm:

Hanbin texts me just as I’m getting ready for bed. The girls and I literally walked through the door ten minutes ago. Instant fear rush over me when I say his text and suddenly all thoughts of sleep leave my head.

Him:Need to talk to u.
Me:Now?
Him:Yes.

O-kay. It might be a text message, but it’s hard not to extrapolate his tone. And his tone is most definitely pissed off.

Me:Um, actually I'm still at work now.
Me: Can we talk tomorrow.
Him:stop lying I know you're home and actually, I’m at your door.

My head snaps toward my open doorway, half expecting to find him there. Then I feel silly because I realize he means the door to our dorm and not my bedroom. Still, this must be serious, because Hanbin doesn’t usually show up unannounced.

Queasiness eddies in my stomach as I walk past the common area to answer the door.

I'm sure he asked one of the girls about me to know I'm at home right now.
It sure as hell won't be Jisoo-unnie because she knows I'm avoiding him and she'll always cover up for me.
And, it's not Jennie-Unnie, obviously. Her and Hanbin-oppa has been avoiding each other too.
So that would definitely be Rosé.
I'm gonna kill that girl. I'm seriously going to do it.

But you know, I can't because I love her and can't leave without her. And on top of that, she totally innocent and doesn't know anything.
Hell, she doesn't even know that Hanbin and I used to have a crush on each other.

That's a fact only Jisoo-unnie knows.

When I open the door, sure enough, Hanbin-oppa is standing behind it.

“Hi,” he says gruffly.

“Hi.” My throat bobs as I swallows. “What are you doing here?”

I suppose I can pretend that everything is all right, that he just stopped by to see his friend, but I should have known better.

that’s not who we are. We’ve never tiptoed around the truth before, and apparently he is not about to start now.

“I wanted to find out why you're avoiding me.”

I sigh.

That’s it. A sigh. Five days of zero physical contact and minimal text messages and all I can do is sigh.

“What the hell is going on?” he demand in frustration.

I hesitates, my gaze darting toward Allie’s closed door. “Can we talk in my room?”

“Sure, as long as we actually fucking talk,” he mutter.

The queasiness gets worse. I can’t decipher his expression at all. His eyes are shuttered, and his tone is completely devoid of emotion.
We go to my bedroom and I shut the door.

“Are you going out on a date with Sihun this weekend?”
Hanbin voices the demand the moment I close my bedroom door.

Surprise and insta-guilt war inside me as I meet his eyes. “Who told you that?”

“Mino. But he heard it from Sihun.”

“Oh.”

Hanbin doesn’t move. He doesn’t unzip his jacket. He doesn’t even blink. He just keeps his gaze locked on mine. “Is it true?”

I gulp. “Yes and no.”

For the first time since he got here, his expression flashes with emotion—annoyance. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means he asked me out, but I haven’t decided if I’m going or not.”

“Did you say you would?” There’s a grim edge to his tone.

Tell him the truth, Lisa.
Tell him you're only talking to Sihun in a failed attempt to stop the feelings you have for the guy standing in front of you.
Tell him you said no an hour ago, Lisa.
Please tell him.

“Well, yes, but—”

Hanbin’s eyes blaze. “You actually said yes? When did he ask you?”

“This Tuesday,” I admit. “Two day after New year's Eve party.”

his features turn to stone again and his nostrils flare. “Wait—what do you mean, you haven’t decided if you’re going?”
I give a helpless shrug.

“You’re not fucking going, Lisa!”
His sharp voice makes me wince.

“Says who? You? Because last I checked, you and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends and we'll never be anything more.”

“Is that what you really—” He stops, his mouth twisting in a scowl. “You know what? I guess you’re right. I guess we’re just friends.”

I can barely keep up with the jumbled thoughts racing through my brain.
"Can we stop arguing for a second, we argue too much.” I hear myself say.

“We don’t argue. We bicker.”

“It’s the same thing.”

He rolls his eyes. “No, it’s not. Bickering is fun and good-natured. Arguing is—”

“Oh my God, we’re arguing about the way we argue!” I interrupt.

I gulp again. I hate being put on the spot, and I’m too confused to make sense of anything right now.

He takes a step to the door. “You know what? Just go on the damn date. I guess Sihun can take it from here.”

“Oppa—”

But he’s already gone. Not just gone, but making his exit known as he slams my door, thuds through the suite, and slams that door too.

I stare at the empty space he was taking up a second ago.
Hanbin’s hoarse words echo in my head, and a vise of emotion constricts my heart, because I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it is too.
And I’m scared that because of my split-second moment of indecision, I just threw it all away.

And before I know it I'm desperately knocking on Jisoo-unnie's door while feeling my heart breaks into pieces with each passing second.
By the time she opens the door, I'm a mess of tears and heart wrenching sobs.

"Wha–Lily, what happened?" She said as she hugged me closer to her and shut the door behind me.

I spent hours curled up on her bed while I told her what happened and she spent hours hugging and trying to get me to sleep.
Saying that Hanbin will come around and we'll be friends again.

But I know exactly what it is.

We're never going to talk again.

It ends here.

It's ends here with us.

All because of my white lies.