Ephemeral Phantoms

Chapter 4

Sloane
"Have you ever experienced any event or do you have any memory which you deeply regret?" I stared at my laptop's screen trying to summon up these words, it was a comment, on my latest podcast. The Diana Down's case I previously covered, I had uploaded the podcast yesterday morning, earning myself 70 views and 10 comments, honestly not bad at all considering the fact that it's only been 24 hours. Although my podcasts weren't that known, however I was grateful, I have 100 subscribers, which equals 100 listeners. Factually speaking even if I had none, that wouldn't have stopped me from posting, you know why? It's because that's what I like to do. That's what I want to do.

I scrolled through the comment section, re-reading these ten comments...People were furious. disgusted. discernmenting her brutally. They all awarded Diana Down with numerous titles, "Such a slut", "She's a fucking whore!" , " Don't she have any kind of regrets after what she had done to her children, she should be ashamed of herself!" Well I definitely agree with all of them. I certainly have no remorse for people like her. People who have no self-consciousness that their one action could be traumatising for their loved one's or at the very least their closed one's that it could tear down their very existence. Indeed anyone can obtain the title of a parent, however not everyone deserves to be called a "Mother".

Unanticipatedly those bittersweet memories flashed across my mind. Unannounced. Precipitous. Sudden. "Mom"... I'm trying... trying to keep going...trying to understand him. However I feel tired, it just keeps getting worse. exhausting. Not worth it?
I took a deep breath, an attempt to ease my mind which most of the times work, and thankfully it did work for today as well.

I brushed over the comments, not for the first time in a while and soon my eyes got stuck on that specific comment which has mentioned about, "Regret and shame." My eyes travelled back to the latest comment which I had mentioned a few minutes ago, "Have you ever experienced any event or do you have any memory which you deeply regret?"

Majority of the people might oppose what I'm going to mention next, but again as if I give a fuck. Most of the people don't like reality checks, that's one of the reasons unpopular opinions are controversial. The matter of fact is there are absolutely no regrets in life, it does not exist. This emotion framed as regret, has no existence of its own. It's nothing more than a misconception, a misinterpretation of your own deeds. There is no such claim as regret, they're just lessons, now you either learn from them or you either want to read your story backwards, the choice is yours.

Here's an instance, you're falling behind on your schedule and still you choose not to cope up with it knowing damn well you're gonna face contrition, disappointment, regret. It's a choice, not an obligation.

"No, there is no such event or memory that I regret, in fact I have no penitence in my life, I'm pleased with it the way it is." I typed my reply, which is true, okay except for that gratitude part , I have not really been pleased with life not in the past nor in the present and maybe that's the reason I stood more firmly by my stance, this is my life and these are my choices, I am the one who controls it. I am the one who gets to alter it. That's up to me to decide and no one else. That's what I have always been taught. And that's what I intend to stick with. My life is perfectly planned, and I'm the one who planned it. The only one who gets to plan it. And I will. The results I acquire are from the conclusions I establish, therefore I shall be the one held accountable for them not my "emotions." I am a very calculated type of person, I don't have time to deal with a mess. That's why I don't create one. Thus I avoid fucking with people, or butting in their business, because I have no wish to waste my precious time. I have a simple rule in my life, if you're good to me, I'll be good to you. If you're not good to me... I'll be worse to you. So don't fuck with me until you have a wish to make your life a living hell. That being said, I can confidently confirm that there is nothing or no one who can divert it otherwise. So I irrefutably don't "regret" anything. Not at all. I haven't regretted anything in the past, I don't in the present and I won't in the future as well. After all, your future depends on your present choices. And I definitely contemplate on making the best decisions and wise choices for myself.