Lil exert from a book I'm contemplating on dropping... Please enjoy.
(Small update at the end!)
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Rɪʟᴇʏ Jᴏɴᴇs August 12, 2020 • 16:24pm Lexington, Kentucky • Oakley and Riley's Apartment
I stared blankly at the paragraph I had typed to send to Oakley. My thumb hovered over the send button.
What if he's asleep? I wouldn't wanna wake up to a break up text myself.
But I done sat here and typed this book for him...
I can't send that.
I quickly backspaced and deleted the entire message, typing a new one.
Riley 🫀 Call me when you get a chance.
That's even worse.
No emotion behind that text at all. No emoji just a single period.. that's scary.
I sighed turning off my phone, setting it down beside me.
I felt my stomach do flips as I waited for him to call, text or something.
Why am I nervous? I'm the one about to break his heart.. I don't like confrontations.
But if I feel a way I should be able to express how I feel. Forcing something that isn't there anymore only makes it worse..
My phone stated ringing and my stomach sunk.
You can do this Riley.. I can do this.
I picked up my phone and answered it.
"Hey baby", Oakley said smiling into the camera.
Fuck I can't do it..
"H-hey Oakley", I sighed nervously.
He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Oakley?.. You never call me Oakley. You good?", he said with an unsure chuckle.
I stared at the phone biting my lip nervously, not really knowing what to say. I'm not good with talking about my emotions out loud.
I should've just sent the paragraph.
"We need to talk", I sighed.
"Ok. About?", he said questionably.
I struggled to get my words out.. I felt a lump form in my throat and my eyes got teary.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and um.. we should break up."
"What?", he said clearly taken aback.
"I think we should break up Oakley", I sighed.
"Why?"
I could tell that hurt his feelings and he wasn't expecting it.
"You're always on go, you're never home" I started.
"I'm working on music though, Riley."
"I know that and I love that you're chasing your dreams and making a name for yourself, but you have a child and a girlfriend who has wants, needs and dreams too", I sighed. "You think it's easy looking after a two and half year old while going to med school. I stay up late at night just to go over class work that I can't get to while she's awake and running around."
"I know that it's hard when I'm not there to help out and I'm sorry about that. I still don't understand why you want to break up though."
"You're always gone for long periods of time, you rarely text or call when you're gone, and I just feel unloved. It's like you've slowly detached yourself from the relationship already. There's no use in holding onto deadweight."
He looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry that I have you feeling like that, but I promise it's not on purpose. Riley I don't want to break up."
"I don't feel loved though. And I haven't been feeling like this for a few days. I've felt like this since December."
He got quiet and set his phone down to face the ceiling.
I wiped the tears that started to fall down my face.
We've been together since we were 17. I love him I really do, but I feel like the connection just isn't there anymore..
"Oakley-", I started.
"Stop calling me that", he groaned.
I sighed.
"I don't want any bad blood between us. I definitely still have respect for you. I still have love for you as well, you're the father of my child. That love for you will always be in me."
"What about Tiana? What are we going to tell her?"
"We'll figure something out.."
It got quiet for a minute.
I've said everything that I've needed to say. What's done has been done.. there's no take backs.
"Why did you wait eight months to tell me you felt like I didn't love you?", he said breaking the silence. "Why did you sit with this on your conscience for that long?"
"I thought it was just a phase and the feeling would pass over. But the more time that passed the worst it got.."
"I just wish you would've told me", he mumbled.
"I'm sorry..."
_
I don't know why but I'm so hesitant to drop this book about Oakley and Riley (a baby daddy and his baby muva 👣)..
Also, I started school this week so you think updates slow now baby... they gone be a tad bit slower. I'm playing volleyball, in band, and doing extra classes. I don't really have a lot of off time and when I do I'm sleeping !😭
ANYWAYS THANK YALL FOR 100k READS OMG (my first book to reach this many reads!) I LOVE YALL FRFR 🥹🫶🏾
