leave me alone

i kick you out of the house

Your mom freezes briefly and then sighs “Haneul I’m not your dad, I’m more than capable of looking after you, but you just need to talk to me. I’m your mother, I love you” she says “and you’re not supposed to be alone, I won’t leave you like your dad” she says touching your arm “you’re not alone Haneul”.

“but I dont wanna talk with you!” You answered

Your mom looks at you sadly “Haneul, I’m always here for you” she says “you don’t have to shut me out of your life just because you think I’ll leave you one day, I won’t. I’m your mom” her voice is soft and calming as she puts her hand on your cheek. “Just talk to me, please”

“someday you have to leave me. Then when you die...”

“Haneul” your mom looks at you and looks like she’s about to start crying “I won’t leave you, okay? I’m here to stay, I’m not going to hurt you and I won’t die for a long time”. “Your stepbrothers aren’t going to drive me away, okay?” “I won’t die any time soon” and smiles at you.

You ignore your mother and lay back on your bed

Your mom covers your shoulders with the blanket. “I might not have been the most perfect mom in the beginning, but I’m trying my best to make your life easier” she says to you “and those cuts on your arms aren’t going to solve anything. They aren’t going to stop your stepbrothers from making fun of you” she looks at you and strokes your hair, and it calms you a little. “You can talk to me, tell me what’d going on Haneul.”

Your mom kisses you on the forehead “I hope you feel better Haneul” she whispers as she exits the room. She leaves you alone. You want her to listen to you, understand you, but she never seems to understand you and just ignores you.

You hear her go into your parents bedroom to talk to your stepdad. You look up at your ceiling blankly. Your hand slowly goes up to the cuts on your arm and you stare at them as blood starts to trickle again. You’re so alone, nobody understands.

You close your eyes and try to sleep, even though you know you probably won’t be able to. You listen to your mom and stepdad talking in their bedroom. You’re trying to ignore their voices as you force your eyes shut. You know tomorrow at school is not gonna be any better. You’re trying to stop yourself from thinking about it and focus on sleeping but it’s difficult.

You remember in your sleep that you have homework in chemistry and English for tomorrow

Your eyes snap open as you remember.
your homework. You forgot to do your homework for tomorrow and you start to panic again as you look at the time it’s already 11:30pm. You have to wake up at 6:30 am to go to school. You didn’t get your assignments done as you laid down to sleep. You think to yourself “how am I going to finish in time?”. You can’t think like this right now because you have to sleep.

You consider skipping school because you know that’s the only way to do your homework and get some decent rest. But you’re scared for what your mom will do to you if you do. She’s not very understanding when it comes to skipping school, and if you do it without her permission she’s likely to make you spend the day in your room with your door open. “Well I’ll just do the chemistry assignment, it’s already too late and chemistry won’t take that long” you think to yourself.

You begin to do your chemistry homework. But after finishing only a few questions you realize you don’t understand some of it. You check the time and notice most of the night is gone, it’s already 1:30 am and you need to wake up in 5 hours. You’re tired and frustrated and can barely focus. “Oh well, I’ll just try the best I can to understand this and maybe ask the teacher for help” you say to yourself “it’s too late to learn this right now.”

You remember your stepbrothers words “you’re just a failure like your mother”. You’re hurting, your stepbrothers have gotten to you, they’ve broken you to the point where a tiny voice in your head is reminding you of their words and making you believe them. “Maybe I am a failure…” you whisper to yourself. Your eyes begin to tear up as you continue doing your homework.

You cry as you continue doing your homework. All the words in the questions seem to blur as you think of your stepbrothers. “Maybe they’re right” you whisper as you cry “I am a failure.” No matter how hard you try your tears start falling harder, the assignment is still confusing to you. A few moments later your mom barges into your room. “Haneul, it’s 1:30am I told you it’s time to go to sleep” she says with a stern voice.

“leave me alone!” You yell at your mum

Your mom looks at you in surprise “Haneul don’t talk like that” she says “You’re not allowed to do your assignments at 1 am and I know you have homework for tomorrow that you’re not doing. So go to bed NOW” “NO” you say back to her. “Your attitude towards me is not changing Haneul, you’re acting exactly like your stepbrothers” “what are you doing in the middle of the night anyways?” She asks you suspiciously.

"don't compare me to my stepbrothers!!"

“I can compare you to whoever I want to!” She says to you “you’re acting just like those brats at school”. “I can’t believe my own daughter thinks she’s better than me” she says disappointed “maybe I’m better off leaving you here like your father did”. Those words felt like a thousand knife wounds in your heart. “I can’t believe you’d say that to me!”
You stay silent after she said that

Your mom looks at you shocked “what else can I say? Your stepbrothers treat you the way they do because you keep acting up in school, you don’t try to make yourself the best version of yourself. Your father left you because of your attitude!” “Why don’t you ever listen to anyone Haneul? Do you know what a disappointment you are to family?” She yells at you “if you don’t change your attitude right away I’m kicking you out of this house.”

“You can't just kick me out! I'm only 16!...And I try to do my best!..”