when did it start

we are family

My brothers were my world, both older. People I admired, people I looked up to. I dont remember a lot from the second oldest before my other left, but I remember there being peace.
My oldest taught me My first life lessons. There is no progress without pain. I remember the adrenalin I'd feel after skating down the ramp for the first time, with him ready to catch me if I fell. I remember falling countless times, and every time he was there to pick me up. Until he wasn't. The falls stopped being physical once he left, and they were the ones that hurt the most. Time can heal broken bones, but how much time can heal a broken mind.
Everything changed after he left, I sometimes think that's where my sparkle died. I remember dinner taking me hours to eat because I would talk constantly to him. He introduced my to my favourite bands, taught me to ride a bike. He made me realise that being me is better than being who everyone else wanted me to be. He was my voice and my biggest supporter. I was only in primary school, maybe 7 or 8 when he left. And he took a part of me with him. The best parts. I began to take them back as time went on, but my voice for myself never came back. Everyone else became my voice, making my decisions for me. I'd all I could do was let them.
It was when he left that I began to realise my other brother was not the idol I had in my mind.