The Path of Roses 🥀

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Jordan's Letter

Word Count: 3,051

Still Friday, July 30th, 2004 

Dear Victoria,

I know you must be mad that I'm not at Mocha Dream Cafe right now, especially since you rushed to come all this way here. I don't blame you. But before you throw this letter or rip it apart into tiny shreds, please read what I have to say. It's really important. It will change everything that you know about me and the sooner you find out, the better it will be for the both of us.

I relapsed.

And I don't mean from drugs.

I relapsed from cancer.

When I was seven, I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. I fought it till I was ten. This year would have been the five year mark, which doctors would consider me a cancer- free survivor.

Sadly, that didn't happen.

The day you saw me crying like a little kid on the bench, it was because I had an extremely bad headache. I've gotten headaches over the years, but never one this catastrophic. I immediately became worried that the cancer was back and my anxiety, a curse of mine since I was six, was skyrocketing and I couldn't control it. When you came and talked to me, even when I had an anxiety attack from seeing the vomit, you stayed and even tried to put my mind at ease. Even though it was a rough day for me, I never have felt so at peace. It was as if all my worries were for nothing.

Not to completely sound depressing, but I guess I wasn't completely wrong for worrying. Summer vacation resumed and I started having more frequent headaches (the DeathDrop ride almost killed me!), loss of appetite, pain, and bleeding (I'm still extremely sorry about the NoseBleed Incident by the way). 

After you left my house, my dad and I had a long talk discussing whether or not my nose bleed was from the humid weather or the return of cancer. I had a follow up appointment on Wednesday, which required lab work. 

The next day, the doctors gave me the news: Leukemia is not done with me yet.

It's July 30th, 2004 and I will start chemotherapy treatment all over again today in the afternoon, which means goodbye to my hair and hello facing my nightmare of projectile vomiting and spinal taps.

Victoria, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about my cancer past sooner. It's not that I didn't trust you. It's because I get nightmares and PTSD moments just thinking about it. But after you told me about your older brother Jonathan who went through Leukemia and your story about a cancer kid, it gave me mixed feelings. A part of me figured you would understand everything, in the end, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I thought about how this would affect you. I didn't want to hurt you and make you relive everything you went through with Jonathan. I can't stand the thought or the idea of seeing you hurt. It hurts me to see you hurt.

Victoria, I think you're the nicest girl in the world, whom I still have no reason to be afraid of, and I don't want to be the reason/person to change that about you. I really wish I could have told you all of this face-to-face, but I guess some words are just meant to stay on paper. I hope we can still keep in touch, despite this sickening disease trapped in my body. I know it will be hard, but as long as we keep in touch and that I'll live long enough to read the story you're writing for me, I think I will be okay. I hope you'll be okay with it too.

Yours Truly,

Jordan Anthony Walker

P.S: Sorry I didn't tell you that Anthony is my middle name. It reminds me of when my mom used to call me that when I was little. She doesn't anymore. She died when I was nine.