100 Things •JB•

Chapter 10: Lost

"What kind?" Justin whispered in the dark, while trailing his hand up and down my arm. I think he was speaking so quietly because if he spoke any louder, his voice would be horse. It felt like we'd run out of tears, both of us, and it had to be taking a toll on our voices.

I snuggled closer into the crook of his neck, "Leukemia. Cancer of the blood." We were lying in the bed of the hotel room, both showered and in pajamas, with the lights off completely. We were two broken souls, clinging to each other to feel whole.

"When?" He whispered again. I think he was still in shock of sorts; He hadn't formed a complete sentence in a few hours.

"I was diagnosed when I was fourteen. I went through chemo, and it worked because I went into remission. But, a month and a half ago, I relapsed." I whispered, snaking my arm around his waist, to hold him tighter.

He started to trail his hand lightly, up and down my back, "Your brother?"

I remembered Steven. Justin must have been asking why he was contacting me so often, "He didn't want me to go. He wanted me to stay and do chemo, again. He's still trying to convince me, I guess."

"I want you to do chemo." Justin said.

I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes, "It hurts."

He suddenly brought his hand around to clasp mine, and held it tight, placing it on his beating heart, "This hurts." He said, his voice cracking.

I nodded, the tears spilling over, and my hand clenched around the material of his shirt. "I know. Mine, too. But I can't Justin, they said it wouldn't work."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me as close as was possible, "Sofia. I don't know what to do."

"Be happy." I whispered, "You can be sad when we say goodbye, okay?"

And then, my heart skipped a beat, because he laughed. It was a short, breathless laugh, that only lasted a fraction of a second and was most likely humorless, but I heard it, "I said that to you, in New Zealand."

I nodded, smiling through my tears, "I remember."

Justin's lips found mine in the darkness and clung to him. As he pulled away, he whispered, "I love you so much, Sofia."

"I love you." I whispered.

Nothing was said after that because we were exhausted. My swollen eyes closed, and I drifted off.

I woke up to the sound of the shower running. I reached over and sure enough, Justin wasn't in the bed next to me. I sighed and rolled over to face the bathroom. Two minutes later Justin walked out, and when he caught sight of me, a smile spread across his face, "Morning, love."

Seeing him, happy, was the only thing in the world at that moment, that would put a smile on my face. I hated being sad, and he knew that. He was being happy, for me. "Morning."

He sat on the bed and I realized he was in jeans and a long sleeve shirt - an outfit that I'd come to realize he wore to the airport an awful lot. He pushed some of my hair out of my eyes and said with a smile, "You're going to need to get up and get ready now."

I grinned, "Why is that?"

"Because we're going to Belgium."

My eyebrows creased, but the smile remained on my face, "Why Belgium?"

He looked at me as if I was missing something obvious. When I didn't come to any realization, he sighed, "Because they're supposed to have amazing chocolate, Sofia."

I laughed at his conclusion, "Good reason, Justin."

He laughed, "You said you could do your two things anywhere. Why not a place with amazing chocolate?"