100 Things •JB•

Part 5: Guitar Strings and Goodbye's

The atmosphere in the arena was overwhelming. When we finally got in, the the crowd was chanting the bands name and people were grinning and laughing. A grin spread across my face.

Justin smiled and asked, "Do you want a beer?" How badly I wanted a beer to complete the Rock concert experience, but I could mix it with my medicine. I reluctantly shook my head and Justin nodded, "Alright. Well, go find our seats and I'll meet you there."

I weaved through the crowds of people until I found our spot. Justin had gotten us a place close to the stage, but with cushioned seats. I was surprised he did this well with tickets on such short notice.

The band was just walking on stage when Justin appeared next to me with his beer in hand. He grinned at me when I started screaming my head off.

Throughout the entire performance I was singing my heart out to all the songs that I knew, and screaming at the top of my lungs when a song I didn't know came on. It was amazing. I was jumping up and down and dancing. I was having the most amazing time, until the band was in the middle of 'Misery Business.' and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breath.

I sat down quickly, suddenly grateful that Justin had gotten us tickets with seats. I was breathing short quick breaths and my heart was racing. I felt like I'd just run a marathon. I wanted to press a hand to my chest but I was afraid Justin might turn around and ask what was wrong.

They said that this was one of the side effects of the medicine I was taking, so it wasn't unexpected, but it had just come on so quickly. It left just as fast as it'd come, though. All at once, my breath went back to normal, and my heartbeat was regular.

Justin turned around and looked at me, confusion flooding his face. I just mouthed to him, 'Taking a break.' and added on a sweet smile at the end for good measure.

I really didn't want to bother him with any of my problems, especially if he was only going to be around for the rest of the night and the next morning. I stood back up, but I wasn't dancing around as much as I was just swaying to the music. I was tired.

I leaned on Justin was we walked through the crowd of people leaving the arena when the concert was finished. He leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on my temple, making me smile through my exhaustion.

Justin called a cab once we were outside. As it drove over he said, "Tired, babe?" I smiled and nodded. He smiled back at me, "Okay, we'll go back to the hotel then."

We got in the cab and I snuggled into Justin's side, while his arm was slung around me. I could have fallen asleep right then and there, until I realized something that made my mind alert - Justin had called me babe.

I'd always wanted someone to call me babe, or baby or even baby girl. For a second I was surprised that I didn't add it onto my list of things to do, until I remembered that the list was only things that I could influence - make happen. I couldn't make Justin call me babe, or baby. But he did, and it made me happy.

I leaned up and kissed his cheek - a silent thank you for a favor he would never know he paid me. He just smiled.

I didn't want to leave him. I really, really didn't. For the first time since the beginning of my trip, I was angry at my circumstances. I didn't want to leave him at all, and I was angry that I was forced to.

Because If I kept him, I hurt him, and I didn't want that either. But, logic was that, the longer I kept him, the more it would hurt to let him go. I was deciding to be selfless, and letting him go.

A tear escaped my eye, followed by another, and another. I turned to the window and focused on the blur of white outside the glass. I thought only of the snow, and the fact that I was in New Zealand, in an attempt to distract myself from the tears.