Hey kids.

Day 2 (part 2)

For days with no end, i scream in agony, begging for help that never came, every time i think I'll escape i get dragged back down like a dog being teased with a bone that gets pulled away at the last second. relief felt so close but so far all the time, messing with my mind. my throat feeling scarce and raspy from all the screaming, my voice almost gone but i can't tell if its from the fire, or my screaming.

7:43 pm

It was 7:43 pm, and we were still searching for information on this mysterious figure, i felt like my cult thing was far stretched and had no strings attached but Arlo felt like i was onto something and so did Dylan, though i don't understand why. But everything was did felt like a dead end, and we have been here for 4 hours!

i had lost hope on finding anything and let my eyes and mind wander, thinking of stuff to try and cure my boredom. I looked around, examining everything around me; my friends, the smell of old books and paper, the sound of computer typing, the smell of lavender lily perfum- wait- what? I look around some more then spot a girl walking over to us and groan, rolling my eyes as she walked over. "Johnathan~!"

Arlo looks over and his nose scrunches up, having a look of disgust before he started to speak. "Addi? you usually never come to the library." Addi looked at Arlo and ignored him then looked back at me, i wanted nothing to do with her so i just didn't look at her, trying to look busy as i type on the computer. "I know you can hear me Johnathan." She sounded annoyed. i sighed and looked over at her, I felt tired and to me, her face was blurred out; like my mind was trying to make me forget; i shook my head and i was able to see her more clearly "What do you want addi? we broke up a month ago" She smiled at me but it wasn't a nice one, more like a smile when someone was angry but was pretending to be nice kind of smile. "I don't understand why you wanted to break up in the first place! i did nothi-" Someone cleared their throat, interrupting her before she could finish her sentence, i looked over at Lillian as she started to speak.

"Did nothing wrong? please! you cheated on him and once he broke up with you, you said "it's not my fault that i don't want to date someone who is insane in the brain", who says that!?" Seeing her like this reminds me why everyone says she's the mom friend, she was like a mama bear trying to defend her kid, it made me chuckled a bit at the thought of that and cause it was a bit ironic considering bears are her favorite animals.

Addi seemed taken a back by what Lillian said, or by the fact that Lillian remembered what she said perfectly. I didn't care, my focus went to George, who had tapped my shoulder to get my attention. "I think i found something" He whispered to me, so he didn't get Addi's attention, my interest was piqued and i felt curious. "what is it?" He pointed to an article and i started to read it.

8:19 pm

Lillian and Addi were still arguing but i didn't mind, it kept Addi distracted and away from me and George was right! He had found something and my hope has gone up but only by like- 15 percent. Marcus had also found something, a article around the school fire, someone thought of a theory about how the fire and cult could be connected somehow.

This got me excited that i had almost forgot that my mom wanted me home by 8:30, i panicked and looked at the time, i stood up and said by to everyone, flipping Addi off in the process then ran out of the library. "Why do i keep running late to things today!?" I scolded myself and hit my head then sighed, i got home only about a few minutes late, but my mom still wasn't happy "You're late." I rubbed the back of my neck and gave her a nervous smile. "Sorry mom, i didn't notice that it was getting late" She rubbed the bridge of her nose and shook her head, she was disappointed in me; it was easy to tell.

My mind fogged up, i knew she was disappointed and that made me anxious, i never meant to disappoint her. I frowned and she sighed, waving me off and telling me to go to my room. "You have a therapy appointment tomorrow, get rest."

I head up to my room and flop on my bed,  my mind still fogged up and everything started to feel fuzzy and like things were closing in, i looked around and my room suddenly felt and looked smaller then before. My mind was packed with thoughts. "I didn't mean to disappoint her, i didn't mean to be late, im sure its fine, you're over-reacting, calmdowncalmdowncalmdown"

My heart beat started to beat faster and my breathing was shaking ever so slightly, i put a pillow on my face and breathed in. I felt like i was suffocating and not because of the pillow, a buzzing sound ringed through my ears. then I heard a ding, my eyes darted to my phone and checked the message. It was the group chat, George had been added.

Lillian: God i hate her so much!!!!

George: She has a very squeaky voice.

Dylan: *laughing emoji*

Dylan: she does! glad you noticed!

Arlo: I feel bad for the next person to date her.

Johnathan is typing...

I stare at the screen, trying to think of what to say but all my mind is filled with is fog and mist. I sigh and continue to stare then close my eyes until 

DING DING DING

I opened my eyes and looked at my phone, reading the messages.

Marcus: you alright Johnathan?

Lillian: yeah, usually it doesn't take you long to type.

George: and you left in a rush earlier, seeming worried.

I smile and start typing, suddenly my mind slowly became clear and i could think again. I could always count on my friends if i needed anything.

Johnathan: Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking, that all :)

Arlo: good! because if you weren't then we would all have to come over there and burden you!

Marcus: Yeah! you will have no choice but to feel fine, you'll even feel happy!

George: *smiling emoji*

I chuckled and shook my head "Gosh, they are so dumb sometimes" even though they were dumb, i couldn't help but smile.

4:15 am

I woke up in a panic and my eyes darted around my dimly lit room, trying to register what i just saw, my heart was beating fast. i breathed in for a few seconds 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. then i held it in 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. and i finally let it out 1.. 2.. 3.. 4..

Looking around my room, my eyes land on my journal. i grab my journal, a pencil, and flashlight, i breathed in again the open the journal and start writing quickly.

Dear journal,

i had another weird dream and it really freaked me out, usually i don't dreams like this! the figure was in it again, but this time, they spoke.. they screamed, begged, pleaded in agony as i watched them burn, a piece of wood on top of their body, forbidding them to stand or get out of what seemed to be the burning school.. their hand reached out to me, i wanted to take it but i was frozen in place, listening to their scared and pained voice. it felt so real too! like i was looking through the eyes of someone, or watching their memory.. i really need to speak to someone about this.. but if i tell Dr. autonomy, he might think I'm insane, maybe i am..

see ya,

Johnathan Jefferson.

I breath on again and let out it out, i lay down and think about the dream while staring at the ceiling.

Am i crazy?