Just Kiss Me - Tom and Bill Kaulitz

The funeral

It had been a month since Tyler died, and I couldn't stop having bad dreams.

I had gone back to my parents' house and was sleeping in my room. When I was little and I had a nightmare, I usually called Tyler who immediately came to sleep next to me, and then I was immediately fine. Only he was gone, and I didn't know how to stop the nightmares anymore.

The tour was over, so the others joined me as well. That day I decided to wait for them at the airport. I hadn't smiled in a long time, and I thought seeing Bill would help. The first I saw was Vic, and maybe I wanted to see her last. As soon as she saw me, she dropped her suitcase to the ground and ran towards me, jumping on me. She took refuge on my shoulder and burst into tears.
I tried in every way to hold back my tears, but every time I tried I felt severe headaches.
"I love you." She told me between sobs. "Me too." I replied by stroking her back. We parted. "When we get to your parents' house I need to talk to you." She said. I answered her simply wiping away her tears.

"Mia" I heard my name from behind Vic, and saw Bill watching us. I ran up to him and jumped on him like Vic did on me. Feeling his arms around me finally made me feel safe. I was used to seeing him every day because of the tour, and not seeing him for a month made me realize how much I needed him. I felt like I hadn't seen him in ages. "Mia.." he said.

Wow, hearing his voice was like hearing my brother's.

This made me burst into tears. "Please don't repeat that." I told him in a trembling voice. He squeezed me even tighter. We parted, then I saw Tom and hugged him. "Even if it didn't work out between us... Remember that I will always be here for you." He whispered in my ear. That sentence finally made me smile after a long time, because at that moment I needed it. I also said hello to Georg, Gustav and Maddie, then we all went to my father's van. I don't know how we all got into it.

When we got home, everyone said hi to my parents and then I settled them in their rooms. I introduced my parents to Bill, who immediately made a good impression. He would stay in the room with me. We went upstairs and he settled into my room, while I noticed that all the doors were closed except one: the one to Tyler's room. I walked over to find out why and found Vic admiring a baby picture of Tyler with a smile. "I'm sorry you got his room." I told her. She turned to me. "It doesn't matter." She said, and then sat on the bed inviting me to sit next to her. I closed the door and walked over to her.

"You know, when he arrived in Los Angeles he wasn't at all the tough guy we all know. Ours was a small neighborhood and no one wanted to know him. One day I knocked on his door with muffins. When he recognized me he gave a huge smile and let me in." She kept talking like it happened all day before, and with a smile.

"It was there that I fell in love with him."

She then said, leaving me in complete shock.

"Maybe, in another life... I could have lived the rest of my life with him."

She said, turning to me with a huge smile and tears flowing like rivers. She clung to my neck without breaking away anymore.

"He's the only person in my life that I've truly loved... And I couldn't tell him in time."

She said between sobs. We had just returned from the airport and I was crying again.

She broke away. "I like this room, you can tell it's Tyler's." We both laughed. I went back to my room where I found Bill already in bed, so I put on my pajamas and stood next to him.

"Mia" I heard a voice call me, and when I opened my eyes I found myself on a deserted street. There was only me.
"It's not your fault." I kept hearing a voice but I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. "Mia, it's me" It kept repeating. "I'm Tyler." Suddenly a boy appeared a little further away from me, it was really him. I started running towards him and hugged him very tightly. "Please don't leave. I miss you so much." I said. I felt his arms wrap around me.

"Mia, it's not your fault." He kept saying. "What are you talking about?" I said. We parted and suddenly his face was covered in blood.

"It's not your fault I died."

I woke up with a start, breathing hard. "Is everything fine?" Bill asked me. I didn't have the strength to answer him. "Come here." He said to me, then took me in his arms and started stroking my back. He made me feel safe.

The next morning I realized that I had been able to sleep for the first time in a month, and it was all thanks to Bill.

We had lunch and then got ready for the funeral. It was obvious there were all those people, they all loved Tyler. It was raining, we were at my family cemetery and we were all gathered around the coffin. The first to say something for Tyler was my mother, but we hardly understood what she was saying because she was sobbing all the time. Then it was my father's turn, who did anything but cry. He remained serious, not a shred of emotion on his face. He had always been good at hiding what he felt, the exact opposite of me.

My turn came, so shaky I walked until I was in front of the whole crowd. It didn't seem real: me speaking at my older brother's funeral, the raindrops hitting my head and so many dull eyes fixed on me.

I had prepared a speech that I had written on a piece of paper, I kept it in my pocket, but obviously it got wet. Suddenly I no longer heard the rain, and turning around I thought I saw him.

I thought I saw Tyler holding up an umbrella to protect me from the rain. I pinched myself and realized it was Bill. How would I have done without him.

"I had prepared a speech, but apparently I won't need it anymore. You all will be waiting for me to say who my brother was, but I won't say any of that. My brother was not, he is.
He's a fantastic guy, one of those who, if he sees you sad, hugs you telling you that everything will be fine. One of those who, if you get hurt, does everything to make you feel good. And yet he's the guy who would do anything for the people he loves.
I speak in the present tense because he lives inside each of us." I took the paper where I had written my speech, went over to the coffin and put it on top. Everything was about to end until I heard screams.

"Tyler wasn't that great." I heard from behind me, and when I turned around, I saw his bitchy ex-girlfriend.

"Come on, you know he wasn't a good guy." I was holding in anger. "What are you doing here? Go away." I said trying to stay calm. "No. In fact, I'm surprised I wasn't invited." I huffed. "Enough, go away." I said.

"That guy was an asshole."

I couldn't help myself and jumped on her. I punched her in the face, but luckily they managed to stop me before I killed her.

She ran off and then got into a car and drove off at full speed.

After the funeral we all went home. I took a shower and then went to watch a movie in the living room. Maddie and Vic joined me. "Who was that girl?" they asked me. "She was Tyler's ex. She had made everyone believe that he cheated on her, but in reality it was her." They looked at me shocked. "You were right to punch her then." Maddie said.

I smiled, then the three of us continued to watch the movie.