It's difficult to find the way everything fits into place once it's broken, even if a surgeon gives you a pretty significant first push. Alexia's recovery is progressing with hope. Her knee is responding well to rehabilitation, but she doesn't feel...
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During the next forty minutes, I listened attentively to the happiness that radiated from the brunette, the stories and anecdotes of the trip, how great everything felt with her, ending on a slightly darker note.
"The downside to these incredible getaways is that, as soon as they arrive, I know it means going back to starting the countdown until the next one, being apart again."
"It must be very hard to focus on enjoying it, always knowing it's a countdown until you're separated again," I said, tilting my mouth at Jana's comment. "How are you dealing with it?"
"I think we're managing the being present part well. Calls, messages, gifts, visits... In a way, it's nice to think that as soon as your girlfriend has a day off, she's booking a ticket to see you, even if it means spending half that time on a plane."
"That's really sweet, Jana," I smiled sadly. "I'm genuinely happy for you."
I couldn't deny that her situation reminded me of that potential future I had considered with Alexia. I couldn't be with her as her psychologist, but if I stopped being it and looked for a job with another team, perhaps if enough time passed, then everything would be fine. I would maintain my license, Alexia wouldn't be questioned by anyone, and we could relieve ourselves of the pressure of secrecy. But I had never been cut out for that kind of relationship, and offering Alexia such a long separation right after we started whatever this was was too crazy.
Jana seemed to notice my change in mood.
"It's complicated. It hurts sometimes," she connected her eyes with mine and leaned over the table, getting even more of my attention. She smiled at me tenderly. "But for the right person, it's worth it."
I nodded gratefully. Jana was really empathetic, she knew how to soothe and connect with others like no one else. She probably would have been a much better psychologist than me, but some people are just born with too many talents to pursue them all.
"It almost feels like you're giving me the session instead," I laughed, trying to hide the fact that the conversation had really affected me, although it was clear that Jana had already noticed.
"In a way, I had to repay you for me blabbering on about how smitten I am for almost an hour," she downplayed it. "Do you want to see the photos?" she asked excitedly, trying to pull me out of the murky mental state I had ended up in.
"Sure," I smiled at Jana, who eagerly began searching through the photos on her phone from her trip to Paris. Once she found one she liked, as could be seen in her eyes—narrowed and brightened—she handed me the phone with tenderness, as if she was afraid the phone's movement might hurt the girl on the screen. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "This girl is so beautiful."
