Chasing Cars

Chapter 4

~Those three words, Are said too much, They're not enough~

"You know I do," I say. I tilt Kalani's chin up so that her eyes meet mine.

"Then why won't you just say it?" she asks.

Yes, it's true.

We've been dating for seven months and we've lived with each other the entire time and I have never said I love you.

I do love her though and she knows that.

I just can't bring myself to say it.

I don't know what's stopping me but I can't say those three words and I don't want to.

"Because saying three silly words doesn't mean anything. I want you to feel my love for you. I want you to know it's there because you can see it in my eyes when I look at you. I want you to hear it in my voice when I talk to you. I want you to feel it when I hold you and I want you to taste it when I kiss you," I explain.

Well damn. I never knew I was that deep. Maybe I should've become a poet instead of a electrician...

"I know you love me and I can see, hear, smell, feel, and taste it like you want me to be able to. It's just, sometimes, you have to have to hear the words. You have to hear someone say I love you for it to be real. So why won't you just say it?" Kalani's choking up, the sobs forming in her throat and she's trying to keep them down.

Just say it Josh. Just say it!

"I- love doesn't mean anything to anyone anymore. People say it to each other after knowing them for a day. Society has taken all meaning out of the word love and this means something to me. You mean everything to me and three words aren't enough to describe it so I don't want to use them. If love is dating someone for a day, then I need a stronger word to use for what we have."

You idiot! Just say I love you. I said each of those words in that rambling speech, so why can't I just string them together into a single sentence?

Kalani sighs. "Just say it."

Yeah Josh, just say it. I can do it. I can tell my food that I love it, why can't I tell Kalani that I love her?

"No."

Oh shit. What the hell are you doing Josh!

That's when Kalani finally breaks down.

She buries her face in her hands and lets the tears start flowing. I reach out and try to embrace her, but she just shoves me away.

"Where are you going?" I ask as she starts heading towards the street.

"I just need some time by myself to think," she calls behind her.

"Kalani, I'm sorry!" She keeps walking.

She's halfway across the street at this point.

Say it Josh.

Say it.

You can fix everything right here, right now.

Just say it.

"Kalani!" I yell out.

She stops in the street and turns to look at me. Her face is tear stained and her eyes are red.

"What?" she asks, lifting her arms in the air and then dropping them back down to her sides.

"I-" I start to say it. I was going to say it. But then the headlights came out of nowhere and suddenly Kalani is lying on the ground in the middle of the road.

I run to her, dialing 9-1-1 on my phone and screaming out for help.

The car is gone.

They hit her and run.