Happy 21st

Chapter 3 ''This is home now''- Her

Beth was left standing in the middle of this massive, unfamiliar room, unsure of how to feel. She turned and walked around the room just taking it all in. This room was something she dreamed of, especially having an attached bathroom with an entire wall length shower and a huge closet; not that she had anything to fill it with at the moment. She wondered just how full Ronan would make it tomorrow.

Having a full closet in a place like this seemed like a dream come true, but it came at the price of her freedom. Thinking about that made her feel lonely. Not that Beth had a super active social life, but she still felt the cold fear of isolation starting to creep its way into her chest.

Beth went to test the shower out and wash off, needing the comfort of warm water on her skin after the most bizarre day of her life. She felt as if she was in a haze, letting the sensations of the running water cover her body but her mind feeling numb. She did not know whether her shower lasted for 20 minutes or 2 hours.

She found herself lying in bed with the same dilemma. Her mind felt numb and she was unable to relax, despite her bed being more comfortable than anything she could have dreamed of. She started to think about her situation and what her future held for her. She was no longer in control of anything about her life. Beth often found that when she was overwhelmed and having trouble working through feelings or a situation it helped clear her mind to work through them out loud, and she found herself with the urge to speak to the empty room.

"I'm trapped, it's like my life belongs to Ronan. He gets to decide where I live, when I go out, who I talk to, everything. I won't have friends or family, I won't work, I won't be able to do anything without asking him first."

She felt her throat starting to close up, so she decided to focus more so on Ronan himself and the things he said to her.

"He said he doesn't want me to be a prisoner, and I can tell that trafficking deeply bothers him so I think he will treat me well... I hope."

Beth chuckled to herself a little nervously.

"This seems to be exactly what he said it is; he needed to take me to feel safe but he didn't want to hurt me and I don't see him hurting me in the future based on tonight. I may be a prisoner in the sense that I have no freedom, but I'm not here to be tortured."

This was slightly reassuring to her, and she knew that although all her fears about being trapped and isolated may be true, it was also true that this is her new home and that's just the way it is.

"I don't have to worry about paying my bills and doing all my chores, I have been so exhausted lately I thought I was about to collapse any day now, maybe disappearing from the face of the earth is exactly what my mental health needed."

Beth genuinely laughed to herself this time, feeling real relief at the weight of this stress being lifted off of her chest.

"Work and independence used to be something I dreamed of, but living through this life has not been anything like how I'd hoped. I thought I would meet lots of people through school and my internship that shared the same interests and aspirations as me but I haven't made a single friend worth keeping. Work has been nothing but, well, work. It's sucked me dry of passion and goals and given me nothing but dread. Maybe I don't even want to go back."

Saying this out loud completely lifted a weight that Beth had not even realised she was carrying around. It was as though she was able to see her desires objectively for the first time, and that she was finally in a position to genuinely have the opportunity to miss certain things and she just knew that work would not be one of them, despite having been working towards a goal her entire life.

Feeling considerably more relaxed, Beth turned to her side to try to go to sleep, and the next time she opened her eyes it was morning.

The shock that she felt after realising she had been asleep immediately prompted her out of bed as she had no idea how late it was.