lee heeseung - breathe

- eight -

The girl was beautiful. Her hair was brown and tied up in fanciful curls, studded with gems. Her face was round as the moon's and her eyes glowed with freedom and youth, something that seemed absent in both you and Heeseung. It was not her beauty you were envious of- in a way, you were attracted to her. No, it was the face Heeseung made when he caught sight of her, the way her name rolled off his tongue. His face had opened, his eyes had widened and he looked as if someone had blown him over.

"Arrie." He gasped. The woman you recognized as his mother, the Queen, smiled slyly from the sidelines while her son gaped at the pretty girl. Arrie clasped her gloved hands and smiled in a way that made your head spin. "Heeseung!" She cried. "I haven't seen you in ages!" She jogged up to him and wrapped him into a hug, to which he squeaked and stiffened, strangely uncomfortable with returning it. Then, Arrie turned towards you. "Who might you be?" She smiled.

You sucked in a breath. "Uhm, Hee- His Highness', uh, personal guard..." Your gaze dipped to the floor until you felt a small warm hand on your arm. "You're very pretty, darling." She smiled. She tutted. "You should be modeling dresses for nobility not working for this guy." You stared at her with big eyes.

Heeseung flushed, "Arrie I-"

Arrie tutted again, "No worries Heeseung. I'll have lots of fun with your pretty girl."

"My...pretty girl?" He frowned and gaped in confusion at Arrie's friendliness with you. You were equally hysterical- at least on the inside. Then, a small smile grew on Heeseung's face. "O-oh yes, you two can have fun." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Very wel-"

"Prince." The Queen quipped. All heads turned towards her fiery glare- yours, Heeseung's, Arrie's and Arrie's mother's. She smoothed down the front of her old fashioned poofy gown. "Why don't you and Arrie take a walk in the gardens." She narrowed her eyes at you. "And your pretty girl can stay at the entrance and wait for you."

"Ye- yes mother." Heeseung mumbled. He sighed and outstretched a hand for Arrie. She let go of you, to which you frowned, and she accepted the hold. You trailed after them as they left the room. You almost felt like the Queen's stare was burning into your back. When you reached the entrance to the gardens, you stopped there and leaned against a hedge. Heeseung and Arrie both frowned at you briefly but continued. When you glanced around the corner, Heeseung was looking back at you. As soon as you met his gaze, he snapped it away and looked down at Arrie.

You slid to the grassy ground, turned your head up, and stared at the blue, blue sky.

———

You could hear familiar footsteps approaching you. It was Heeseung. The strange factor was that he was alone- no other footsteps. The princess was gone.

"Y/n." You felt a warm hand come down on your shoulder. You glanced up at Heeseung who was crouching by your side. You let yourself smile wryly but stood, "Get yourself up off the ground, Your Highness. You might dirty your clothes."

Heeseung followed suit with a small shrug. "It doesn't matter to me."

"What happened to Arrie?"

"She didn't want it either. I left her at the pond watching the fish."

You wanted to prod further and ask why he'd had such a reaction to her. Instead, you crossed your arms and ankles, leaned against the hedge, and furrowed your eyebrows. You felt Heeseung run his hand gently up your arm. "Hey...Is this alright?"

"Is what alright?" You glowered at the grass in front of you, but the soft shocks that spiked through the hair on your arm was undeniable.

"Me being near you." He fingered a lock of your hair, twisting it around his finger. His nails grazed the side of your cheek and jaw, then his knuckles followed. Every place his skin met yours was burning hot. You swallowed thickly. "It's alright."

"Arrie's a childhood friend." Heeseung traced a gentle line down the side of your neck. You felt your breath hitch and your arm shot out, catching his hand by the wrist. You twisted towards him. "Why do you do this?" You whispered. "It isn't right- and what if Her Majesty sees and misunderstands?"

"Well, I don't care what my mother thinks." He frowned. "I only care what I feel and what you feel. To which you make it seem that you don't return my feelings, which is equally hard to believe."

You shook your head. "You said the day you made the proposition- you don't feel that way about me." You stared at the lavender veins showing through the back of his hand. "And I to you." You muttered. You dropped his hand.

Heeseung let it swing solemnly to his side. "People lie sometimes."

"I don't like that we keep clashing over this." Your voice was bitter. "Just let me do my job. It doesn't matter what we feel." You turned your gaze to the verdant ground and held out an arm in the direction of the castle. "Lead the way, Your Highness."

With a barely audible sigh, Heeseung began to walk

———

The hallway was caliginously dark. "I'm sorry." You whispered. Heeseung stopped in the shadows and pressed himself back against the wall. You'd both spent the day in the library, speaking barely a word to each other after the visit with Arrie, and were now walking back to his room.

"Why?" Heeseung tilted his head at you. "For what?"

"Uhm, you know, creating..." You waved an arm, "...drama. Conflict."

Heeseung shook his head. "Don't be sorry. You were correct in that sense when we spoke earlier. Even if we did feel the same, it wouldn't be right. How could it be? It doesn't matter how much I want you."

"Want me...?" You whispered. Heeseung only cracked a small smile while you frowned to yourself. He steadied himself on his feet and continued down the hall with you on his tail. You kept your gaze on the dimly lit oil portraits along the walls as you crept closer and closer to royal quarters. You both entered his anteroom in silence. You moved off towards the smaller door that led to your room, but paused there. "Your Highness?" You turned your head over your shoulder to look at him. Heeseung had a hand poised over the golden doorknob, head dipped down so you couldn't see his face.

"Yes?" He mumbled.

"I wanted you to know that even if it were justified-" You shook your head. "I don't feel that way. At least...I don't want to."

"I understand." Heeseung raised his head slightly, his hair falling in over his cheekbones and forehead. From the glimpse of his features you could see, he appeared tired. So very tired. "But, Y/n- I sometimes cannot sleep at night when I think of that moment in your kitchen."

You felt your breath hitch, and your nose became stuffy with the feeling of your heart crawling into your throat. You turned sharply around and disappeared into your room.