We don't talk about Jouno

Three months later

Many things had changed in the three months since "the incident," as Teruko called it, had finished. Tetchou was too numb to notice most of them. He wasn't sure when the numbness started. It was an overpowering inability to feel, and it was strangling him. Tetchou wasn't sure exactly when the numbness started. But he knew it was when he realized Jouno wasn't coming back.

There was no body, but it was obvious he was dead. Tetchou had seen the video. By this point, everyone had. They'd buried the empty casket a week after Jouno was officially declared dead. It had been a small turn out, just friends, because he didn't have family. That was probably when Tetchou realized he wasn't going to feel anything again. Ever.

It had been eight weeks and five days since Tetchou had last seen Jouno alive. He'd picked a nice, sunny day to go see him again. Tetchou exhaled deeply, and rested his back against the gravestone. It was a rather unassuming one for a national hero, but that's how Jouno would have liked it. He was never one who enjoyed the attention being part of the hunting dogs caused. Somewhere peaceful and quiet, that's what he'd like.

Tetchou had brought his cape, not caring that it was bright red and made him stand out terribly, and was using it as a blanket. Jouno always made fun of him for doing that. It was almost as if by doing something that annoyed Jouno so much, Tetchou could make him be alive, and have him tell him to stop doing that. However, nothing of that sort happened.

"Hey, Jouno." Tetchou said. He had to keep it together. This was for Jouno. If he was okay up there, maybe he could hear him. Tetchou could cry and he could scream and he could hit the wall, but he could do those things when he wasn't talking to Jouno. He wouldn't want to hear that.

"It's been a long day. Again." Tetchou said. Tetchou usually visited Jouno once a day, sometimes more, but yesterday had been bad. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you yesterday. I was doing something important, though. I helped the rest of the hunting dogs apprehend the last member of the decay of angels. That felt good. Like I'd avenged you a bit more, you know. Do you forgive me for not being here yesterday?" Once again, no answer.

"I love you, Jouno." Tetchou said. "I love you. I love you so much, and I miss you so badly I can't breathe." Tetchou wasn't expecting a reply, the residents of a graveyard aren't usually overly talkative after all, so he was surprised when someone answered him. "Well, that's kind of silly, don't you think?" Tetchou blinked in surprise, and discovered he'd been crying after all. God, Tetchou couldn't remember the last time he'd gone a day without crying.

When he looked up, Tetchou could see a familiar face staring down at him. Maya Angelou, commander of the United Nations special abilities division, and longtime friend of Jouno's, was perched on a tree branch above Tetchou. Her expression was one of boredom rather than grief. "What do you mean?" Tetchou asked, not quite sure she'd said what he thought she had. "Mourning someone who isn't dead, I mean."

Tetchou took a ragged breath. Maya had been like this ever since Jouno died. She'd refused to accept it. To be honest, there were times when Tetchou thought this nightmare would be over, and Jouno would come walking down the stairs the next morning. But at least Tetchou knew that was never going to happen. He would never see Jouno again. He'd never hug him, kiss him, or just even run his hands through his hair. It was over. Tetchou's life had no meaning, but at least he knew that. Maya was still at phase one. Denial.

"Maya, can we not do this right now?" Tetchou asked. Maya and Teruko had gotten into it close to a week after it happened. Tetchou hated how everyone tried to shield him from any news about Jouno. It was his boyfriend that was dead, after all. His boyfriend he loved. His boyfriend he couldn't protect. Maya dropped to the ground, and landed gracefully on her feet. She looked sad, but silently nodded.

She was smart enough to know she was fighting a losing battle. If Maya had any actual proof Jouno was alive, there was nothing Tetchou wouldn't do to find him. Maya's only real reasoning was this: some of the people she'd healed with her ability during the outbreak had knife wounds similar to those made by the non standard issue knives Jouno carried around. Those knives weren't unique to Jouno, though. In fact, they were incredibly common. Tetchou couldn't give himself hope only to have the worst possible thing happen again.

Maya sat down next to Tetchou. "I'm sorry." She said. "I know we all process these things in our own way." It sounded like she was still frustrated with him, but once again, she chose not to press the issue. "How are you?" Maya asked. "I'm sorry, silly question." She added quickly. "I mean, what are you doing to take your mind off things." Tetchou liked that about Maya. She wasn't one to say empty words, and she'd never once told him she was 'sorry for his loss.'

"Not much." Tetchou said. "It's not like there's really anything that can take my mind off the fact that the most important person in my life was murdered." Tetchou hadn't meant to sound angry, but he did. There was still so much about what had happened then that had infuriated him. It had been his boss, Fukuchi. Fukuchi, the leader of the decay of angels. He'd wanted to talk to Jouno, and Jouno had never returned from the meeting. Tetchou had completely fallen for the lie, and hadn't put the pieces together. The part that made Tetchou the most angry was that Fukuchi was alive in a government holding cell somewhere, while Jouno was the one that was dead.

"Have you tried crochet?" The randomness of the statement brought Tetchou back to reality, and caused him to have the faintest of smiles. The grin Maya shot back said she was joking. Sometimes Tetchou couldn't tell. "Seriously, Tetchou." Maya said. "You have to do something. What you're doing isn't healthy. It's not what Jouno would want." Tetchou clenched his fists. "Jouno's gone. What he wants doesn't matter anymore."

Maya sighed, and twisted one of her many rings. "Are you doing anything today with the hunting dogs?" She asked. Tetchou read between the lines. Maya was asking if he'd consider working with another partner. It made sense, strategically at least. Tetchou would be more safe if he didn't go into these things alone. That would be wrong, though. Tetchou would never do that. No one could replace Jouno.

"I'm going to interrogate the last surviving member of the decay of angels." Tetchou said. "Gogol." Maya frowned. "Tetchou, are you sure you're up to that?" She asked. Not just because Tetchou hadn't been on many missions since Jouno had died, but because it was the decay of angels that had killed him. "I'll do what I have to do." Tetchou said. Maya bit her lip. "I hope you know what you're doing." She said. "And I hope that someday, preferably in the immediate future, you'll see that I do too." And with that, Maya left Tetchou to grieve. Tetchou hugged his knees to his chest, and allowed himself to cry. The worst had happened. Jouno was dead.