I told Louis everything about my father, about how he beat me, hates me for who I am. I told him that my mother never helped me, never cared. I didn't tell him that I cut, and I didn't tell him why all of this started, I couldn't talk about him. I could never. He was the love of my life, and I could never tell anyone. My father made sure that I wouldn't dare tell a soul.
Louis looked back at me with tears in his eyes and a hurt expression. I knew how he felt, he felt like I did when he talked about his past and how his father beat him senseless. It hurt just thinking about it, and him.
"So, now you know", I said to Louis when I was finished.
"I'm sorry, Ni. I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I don't know how to fix it, but I hope I can" Louis said. It was almost just like I said when he had said the same thing. When I sat and apologized to him for being abused, even though it wasn't my fault.
"It's okay" I said, "nothing can."
I looked up at him. His brown eyes. We sat in his room, it was small, and the walls were dark blue. We were sitting on the bed, just talking. He hadn't styled his hair today, he just woke up. I came over as soon as he texted me that he needed me.
His eyes were full of tears, he was talking about his past. I didn't know what to say, or do. Tears streamed down my face as he talked. He didn't deserve being hated, he didn't deserve anything that had happened to him. I wanted to help him, fix this. I wanted him to be whole again.
I jumped forward and kissed him, trying desperately to help. I didn't know what to do. His bruises was bigger than ever, I had to try to fix this. "I love you" I said to the brown eyed boy. He looked at me with big eyes, full of tears and replied, "I love you too, Ni". That's when I broke down and cried in his arms. I just wanted him to know that he was loved and that his family's opinion didn't matter.
"What can I do?" I muttered into his shoulder, he just shook his head, saying nothing. "I want to help. You can move in with me?" I cried harder, and held his head into my shoulder. I wanted to help him as much as I could. "It doesn't matter. I'm done."
I woke up and knew I was crying, I always did when dreaming of him. All I wanted was for him to be with me, but that would never happen. It hurt thinking of it, but I had to. It was the only thing keeping me going. Going towards the end.
I checked my phone, even though I knew what I would find. Nothing. It was Saturday, and I knew that I had said yes for going to the party at Zayn's house. I just really didn't feel like going, I was tired and depressed.
I got up from my bed and headed to the bathroom, trying to get my mind off of things. I really felt like cutting, but I knew I couldn't do that again. I couldn't disappoint him again. I hopped in the shower and let the warm water run down my body, I was all sweaty because of the dream, and I didn't look my best to say the least.
When I got out of the shower I checked my phone, the clock was 9:30 am, and I had work at 3 pm. I had plenty of time, but nothing to do. I hated not having anything to do, because then my mind would wander and I could end up at the bottom of the ocean again, metaphorically speaking.
Therefore, I got out my writing book I hadn't touched in a long time. I sat down in front of my desk, placing the book on it, and took a pen and started writing. I hadn't written like this in a long time. I wrote how, why and when. This way I had a thing that kept me going, a thing I had only tried once before.
My phone vibrated, I got a text from Louis.
From: Louis The Coolest Person In The History Of The World: Hey, you okay?
