"L-Liam P-Payne" I cried. It hurt so much to say his name. The name of the love of my life. It was one of the hardest things I'd done after the incident, and it hurt so bad.
A few days later I sat on my bedroom floor again, crying. It was in the middle of the night and I had had the dream again. The dream about my Liam. I had school in four hours, and I was really tired, but couldn't continue to sleep, in fear that I might dream again.
The dream was the bad one again, and I woke up crying. I couldn't go back to sleep after that, as always. I had to try to stop crying. Therefore, I got up from the floor and into the shower. I tried to sing, but all that came out was a sob and the tears that blended with the water running down my face.
Afterwards I still couldn't stop crying, and I had no idea how to make it stop. I got out of the shower and checked my phone. Two messages, one from Louis and one from Josh. Both from last night after I'd fallen asleep.
From: Louis The Coolest Person In The History Of The World: Hey, you okay? We didn't talk yesterday.
I hated lying to Louis, but I hadn't any other choice than to do just that.
To: Louis The Coolest Person In The History Of The World: I'm fine, just tired. You?
From: Josh: Hey, it was good talking to you. I hope you felt the same. Do you want to meet up after school?
To: Josh: Hi. Yeah, it was a relief. Sure we can.
I walked to the back of the bus, hoping no one would notice me. I was bound to cry if someone said something to me. This feeling was one of the worst feelings, the one where you're feeling that you could break down at any moment. I'm bound to break down at least once today.
I sat in the back and watched as the bus moved forward, stopped, drove off again, and so on. I watched everyone getting in and out, and everything moved in slow motion, just like when I used to look at him. It hurt so much thinking about him, but at the same time it's hard to stop. It was now the first of September, and the anniversary of his death was coming closer. Closer and closer by the minute. My stomach turned by the thought. Two whole years. Has it really been so long? It felt longer, but at the same time not.
The bus came to a halt, we had arrived at our school. I walked behind people I didn't know, and as soon as I got out of the bus, I walked faster than anyone else, trying to get away from everyone and to get to the History class early, just so that I didn't have to talk to anyone.
Mr. Styles was still our teacher, and I still tried not to talk to him. He scared me. But when he asked me, in front of the whole class, if I could stay afterwards, I couldn't just say no. So I waited for everyone to walk out of the classroom before I moved forward.
"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked him, nervously.
"Yes. You've been avoiding me." He said bluntly. "I realised after a while that I scared you. And I'm sorry."
"Okay" I answered, unsure where this was going.
"But I just want to help you. I know you're struggling, I can see it on your face. You're trying very hard to keep a secret." He looked genuinely concerned. "And I want to know what it is. You don't have to tell me now, but I will keep trying to find out. I want to help you as much as I can. Okay?" His green orbs looked me dead in the eyes.
"Okay" I repeated, and said goodbye before walking out of the classroom. I had to hurry to make it to the next class, and bursted into the room. "Sorry I'm late, Mr. Styles wanted to talk to me"
"It's okay, Mr. Horan" Our teacher said "take a seat".
After school I met up with Josh outside the front of the school. He grinned as soon as he saw me. "Hey, there"
