Home for the holidays

Chapter six-Lisa

Even though it was practically impossible my mom seemed more exited than me for our day out. The date of the Christmas party was rapidly getting closer so my mom and I planned to make a day of it. We were going to do the whole works (hair, nails etc) and honestly I couldn't be more excited. Growing up as closeted meant I didn't get the mother daughter days I'd always wanted and from my mom's excitement I can tell how comftable and happy she is with me being her daughter. She didn't admit it until I came out as trans but she always hoped for a girl however after three boys she decided that was enough kids and accepted she wouldn't have a daughter. Until I told her about me-- she was instantly supportive and wanted to help me in anyway possible.

I will admit I'm a little nervous about going out. Don't get me wrong I'm fully confutable with myself and my identity its just the fact I'm in my childhood town. Whenever I'm here I feel like people will be staring at me trying to fault me in anyway they can. When I transitioned I think I got pretty lucky growing up I'd always been referred to as a "pretty boy" meaning I already had feminine features so I was one of the lucky ones that passed quite well even in my earlier stages of transitioning. Except from my Adams apple (before I got it surgically shaved down) that was luckily one of my only tells. As soon as I stopped denying myself who I was I stopped doing the things I did to make me look more masculine. I used to work out a ton because naturally I'm quite lean so instead of forcing myself to do weights I started doing more cardio and not focusing on how much I could lift. As soon as I could start presenting how I wanted if felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My family and friends got to see the real me and I am 100% in agreement with if they don't like the real you then ditch them. I did loose quite a lot of friends but I also gained many and thats the important thing. Just being here in this town all brings it back up. But I try to stop thinking about the past as I get ready for today. I decided to wear a pair of high waisted blue mom jeans and a fitted white cropped top that has long sleeves. To pair with it I decide to go with brown ankle boots that have a small pretty much kitten heel and my swede brown jacket. I'd already done my makeup which was just natural with a little bit of eyeshadow instead of eyeliner-- I am honestly so envious of people that can do eyeliner no matter how hard I try I can never seem to master it.

Going downstairs I meet mom near the door. She has her handbag grasped in her hand waiting for me. Grabbing my back from the side we head out ready for a day full of pampering. We walk into the town enjoying the feel of the cool air. My mom is absolutely ecstatic about the day and is listing off all the shops we need to go to and the design idea she has for her nails. We start off by going to this quaint beauty store that has been here for decades. The owner is really nice and has three daughters of her own so she has always been inspired to keep this store open in the hope that they'll take over one day.

As we walk in we instantly get greeted and embraced by the atmosphere of this shop. The store has little stations set up that have a mix of known brand and small business brands. Everything here is so welcoming and I'm so glad I can fully enjoy this— I'd been here a few times as a kid but was always too scared or nervous to look around properly. Instead I just hung by my mom keeping my eyes locked to the ground. But this time I get to look at all the enticing products enjoying every second I spend with my mom. We browse the shelves for a while finding what we needed then get ready to go to our nail appointment. 

Walking over to the nail salon I chat to my mom on what I'm thinking about getting. As its my first time getting acrylics I've decided on red almond shape nails with small art of a silver snowflake on each nail. We sit down in the place and explain the images in my head. Everything was going well throughout the appointment until I had a sudden urge to look out the window. There was someone I briefly recognise but before I could think too much on it they were gone. Huh weird. Shaking thoughts away from my head I try to focus back on my nails. No matter how hard I tried to get lost in the experience I can't help the thoughts nagging at my brain. My mind drifts back to the woman staring inside before getting pulled away by an older woman. Why did she look familiar. I think it over for the rest of the appointment but can't quite place it. It did cross my mind to ask my mom but it was such a small glance I doubt I'd be able to describe her well-- if at all. 

Once our trip ended we headed off home in preparation for the party to come. The party wasn't far away now so I wanted to have everything laid out perfectly. My dress was hanging up outside of my closet its beautiful coral complementing my skin tone perfectly. Then I took out my shoes placing them near my dress, trying to get the full effect of the outfit. With that finished I spend a little over an hour preparing my makeup and making sure it looks good. When I'm finally satisfied with the look I take a picture of myself and keep all the products out that I used. Sorting them neatly on my dresser I try to conjure up the image of what it will all look like together. Going to bed all I can do is think about how the party will go and if that mysterious girl will be there. 

*** 

The day of the towns Christmas party arrives in no time. Although the party isn't until later in the evening I spend most of the day getting ready. Okay so it might be getting to me a bit that this is the first town event I'm going to. I know for the most part this town tries to forget I exist but I hate that they even try to. This is my home town I want to feel accepted here, to some extent I know they will never be 100% okay with my identity no matter how much I've transitioned but there is still that childlike fragment of hope. So, in the haze of anxiety and wondering how people are going to react I spend the day meticulously getting ready. 

With my moms help on my hair I stand in the mirror observing my refection. A stunning woman is staring back at me and I'm having a hard time believing its me. It's everything younger me every wanted and more. Trying to hold back my tears my mom hugs me from behind saying, "You're the most beautiful daughter." 

Moments like these sort of affirm to me I did the right thing and that I am so lucky to have my family. 

"Thanks mom." Turning around, my mom looks at me like a proud parent. I tell her she looks amazing then we finish getting our stuff together before meeting my brothers and my dad at the door. My dad has a huge grin and complements us both before heading out to the car. As the car edges nearer to the location I can feel my anxiety rise. The whole town is going to be at this party-- the WHOLE town. My old high school friends when I used to be one the football team. We're nearly there every second making my stomach twist into an abundance of entwined knots. 

We get out the car and go into the room where the party is being held. As soon as we enter I head straight to the drinks table needing something to numb my nerves. After I've got myself a drink I surveillance the room wondering who's there and where my brothers have gone. Catching sight of them I can tell they're talking to our old football coach. Okay so maybe I'm not ready to head over there. Holding the stem of my wine glass tightly I try not to shake to much from nerves. But thats where I see the girl-- the girl from outside the nails salon. Realisation hits me like a ton of bricks. She's the woman who spilt coffee on me at the airport and she's here in this small town. IN MY SMALL TOWN. What the hell is going on? I'm just about to look away when she locks eyes with me and before I know it she starts walking towards me. 

---

Thank you for reading this chapter, there should now be weekly uploads of this story as I have finished editing MCOTC.