MULATTO (Iyila) (Editing)

chapter forty five

Iyila retired as early as eight, just as her almighty master Gabriel had instructed. But when midnight came she didn't know whether to cry or be furious. To cry that Gabriel was leaving and she was never going to see him again until she died, or to be furious with him for treating her the way that he had done that evening, or even do both.

She was unsure of how to feel or what her heart was feeling. It was aching more than the way it had when Dede left. It as as though the pain had come to stay and unlike Dede's, a part of her felt it was never to go away__at least not soon. It pained her to admit it but Gabriel was already engraved to the wall of her heart.

Her heart had been shattered when she heared those painful words exit from his lips. She had immediately felt dizzy and weak. The source of her strength at that moment in his warm room to resist collapsing was yet unknown to her. She had willed all of her energy to prevent herself from crying and for him to see how weak her heart was. She had always considered him important, but not until that evening when he was standing just a few inches from her, where she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face, had she understood what her heart was telling her all along.

She knew she'd be a fool to had expected him to stay forever. What she had not expected was that he would be leaving so soon. And to crown it all, the rudeness and cold behaviour that he had shown her as a parting gift. She couldn't understand why he had acted that way. He'd never been that formal with her, never!

For a moment there, when he had asked her to accompany him, she had felt shocked, uncertain and afraid but most of all she had felt important, until he finally shown his true intent of her company. He'd made it clear that she meant nothing to him. That she was nobody, nothing except a Negro that he used as a tool to spare himself from boredom.

She felt anger and acute embarrassment wash through her body. Shivering, she wiped off the tears from her face and quietly sobbed into her hands. She was a fool to have considered herself too much. To have thought for moment that a man like him, with women, of a different class and grace to choose from, that such a man would see her differently. Tired, Iyila angrily dragged off the scarf from her hair and used her hair to wipe off her tears.

What would she now do? she thought. These past months, she had dedicated her time to taking care of him, she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't bear the thought of returning to that rat hole where so many Negroes slept.

She quickly looked round the room she was laying. It was not much, but it was always clean and mosquito free. There were just five Negroes in the room and all of them were nice. She didn't wish to return to her old life, but she knew that was like asking for too much. At least, she had Deila, Brown, and Tari to console her when she rerurned to them. All of these thoughts made her cry the more.

And to add salt to injury, Gabriel had promised to buy her a new dress. Wasn't it only lovers who shared gifts? she thought. She had planned not to take any of the gifts. She had nothing to offer and most of all they weren't lovers. Not that she would want to love him, or him her, but she had expected him to consider her more that an aid! That word constantly haunted her and poisoned her head with anger.

The man had called her an aid! An aid! In that most annoying voice that almost made her smack his face or even punch him.

Who did he even think he was? What did he even consider himself as? she thought. Yes he was an extremely handsome man, perhaps more handsome than Dede. He was even more educated than Dede and perhaps he was a lawyer in Illinios and owned a vineyard in England or even have so many women to himself. He was only a man and such things were vanity especially the women.