So close Yet So far

Chapter 7:Vows

I am alive, thought Halsey.

"It's too late ......let's part as quickly as
possible"said Halsey who was avoiding looking Ray's side.

"I'll go back to my old rented house.I'll try to read a book, turn on the TV to see the same old programs, set the alarm clock to wake up at early morning.Then I'll go to my office,the job that I don't like alot. I'll be left with the feeling that I'm privileged: I'm pretty, I have a job, I can have any boyfriend who will take care of my broken heart, the heart which used to be happy at one time.So I'll go back to the bars at the end of the day, and the whole thing will start again.

I've no energy left; it's best to accept
life as it really is and not as I imagined it to be. Two children,happy us. I don't want people to consider us a happy couple, and no one will know how much solitude, bitterness,and resignation lies beneath the surface happiness." said Halsey who was traumatized by the sudden acceptance of Ray of loving someone else who don't even exist as a person.

Ray was in love with the feelings of one person where Halsey as a person who was present physically,also his wife couldn't make a place in his heart after spending all her efforts,care and affection on him.

Ray shouted ~ "What the hell?.. Are you crazy.. ?" He pulled Halsey closer to him, hugged her.

"I don't know what it means to be crazy," whispered Halsey.

"But I'm not. I'm just a failed suicide."

After hearing this, Ray couldn't hold himself. He knelt down,laid his head on Halsey's lap, and cried and cried.

Halsey swept her hand from Ray's hair, allowing that wave of sadness and tears its natural expression. They sat like this for almost half an hour, both crying, and consoling each other. Neither of them knows what to do further.

Low timid, suppressed sobs continues.

Ray: I shouldn't have told you about my feelings for Sarang. But holding it too long was like cheating. Firstly I was confused. I kept it as secret.Then I decided to face it.But now I'm feeling like I'm going against the natural order of things. How could it be possible to love the dead one? But her emotions are too strong for me.

The sobbing finally ceased.

Ray: Selfishness, perhaps. I am a selfish person.Yesterday I told you about my feelings. I forgot that when I was under sentence of death , you were there for me. You fought with me for my incurable heart disease. You were always there for me and you will always be. But Sarang was never there and will never be.

"Have you ever loved me? ", asked Halsey, trying to check Ray's feelings.

Ray looked into Halsey's eye and said " Ofc I do. I love you Halsey. And Sarang is also a part of me. You have to accept that. But I will never let my feelings affect our relationship "

"You already spoiled everything Ray. You avoided me since you know about Sarang. You hid all your worries inspite of discussing it with me " murmered Halsey in a low tone.

Ray: Can't we undo things?

Halsey: I am hurt but at the same time, I wonder how could you love someone who will give you nothing in return? Ray you are not selfish.I am the one who is guilty.

Ray: Guilty? For what...?

Halsey: I was loving you to get love in return. I was desirous to fulfill your expectations so that I can see you smile and happy always. But your love for Sarang has shown me that love is all about asking for nothing in return.So should I give up on you for your better?