I've Got You

Chapter 7: Page 4

Mickey's POV

I unpacked all my stuff that I brought back, it was looking like Terry was going to spend the next at least 6-10 years in prison so I am safe here for now. I had a plan, I was going to go to sleep tonight here and if tomorrow morning I wake up and I still want to, then I was going to take all the pills I could find. I know Terry keeps lots of pills in his room, all sorts of things so if I took all of them at once then it would for sure kill me. It was the only way out, the only way to stop feeling this way and to finally be free, I might go to hell, I'm not sure but either way it is better then waking up everyday and reliving everything that happened to me.

I collapsed onto my bed, tears still streaming from just leaving Fiona's and was thinking everything over. It was only 5pm right now, I had ages till I would be able to fall asleep so I just had to wait here, I had nobody to talk to, nothing to do, nothing. I did remember my iPad though so I could possibly do some drawing. I mean I could maybe watch some tv or something, I knew there would be no food in the house so there wasn't a possibility I could eat dinner. I had no money, no friends, my sister isn't even here, I had nothing, I can't explain how lonely I felt right now. I could text Mandy and see if she wanted to hang out, I mean if I was going to kill myself tomorrow I want to be able to one last visit with her.

I got up, so thirsty so I walked out into the kitchen and got a glass of water and sat on the couch. I didn't know if I wanted to see Mandy or not, I knew she would be upset but I just can't do this anymore. I tried, I tried so hard to keep going and get better but everything is to overwhelming. By this time it has been 2 hours since I left Fiona's, I wanted to go back to bad, but I pushed Fiona so even if I did go back, she still would probably kick me out once again so it is just better to stay here. This house creeped me out so bad, all awful memories here and it overwhelmed me to the point where my chest was tight and I felt sick. It was quiet, really fucking quiet. I didn't know what to do with myself, my last night on earth and I didn't know what I wanted to do.

There were so many things I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a dad one day, maybe get married, I doubt Ian would ever want to marry me so I would probably never get married but it was something I wanted to do secretly since I was like 6. I wanted to go on a plane, I've never done that before, go to the beach... I have always wanted to go to a beach, maybe if I am reborn or some shit then I can go to a beach. I was hoping people would see why I took my own life, see that I did it for everyone. I helped Mandy, she was going to always put me first so now I am finally putting her first, she won't have to worry about me ever again if I am dead. Ian will be able to get better without me always being there, annoying him and having fucking panic attacks. Fiona will be able to have her normal family back, I was always a disappointment to my dad so even he would finally be happy.

Thinking about all of this made me even more numb, I honestly don't think I had any tears left to cry, feeling them dried on my face and my heart was beating so hard. I got up, walking to his bedroom and going into the draw where all his pills are. I grabbed them all, bringing them back out and putting them on the kitchen table. This was the cleanest way for me to die, gun shot to the head, messy, slitting my wrists, messy, this way nobody had to clean anything up. I undid all the lids, pouring them out onto the table so it was covered in pills. Some blue, white, pink, even some orange. It was kind of pretty, in a fucked up way. I heard my phone go off, like I got a text. I ignored it, but soon like 5 more came in, then 10, then like 30. I was so confused, who is messaging me so much and why.

I walked over to the couch where I left my phone and looked. Messages from Lip, Fiona and Mandy all coming in, more and more still even while holding it.

Sis:

Mickey! Where the hell are you?

Mick

Mickey