What if I can't

The attempt

So this part does inucde suicde so if ur trigged by that stuff pls be careful or don't read it in the second part it will only be a mention of it likeee super small
Enjoy❤️

19th of July 2023-13

Dear diary
I tried to kms today
I think it's the 4th time
I wonder how many more it will take for it to work
Hopefully not many

Tho I don't think I really wanted to thinking bout it I had planned it the whole day I was looking forward to it 2 more days till end of school parents weren't here my siblings weren't gonna come in my room so it was easy get the blade and cut but no of course not without even realising it they saved my life they made me happy they made me want to say a proper good bye my friends are the best

And the thought of no if no
I couldn't I tried but I knew it wasn't gonna work and I'm glad it didn't

I want to continue in life I want to succeed and spread my story I don't want to give up but it's hard with these voices with these memories but I can do it I think
So Yh 4th time trying maybe if I do it again 5th time lucky.

19th of July 2023

I walked downstairs heading into the kitchen lost in my thoughts.

What the fuck had I done. Why had I tried why why can't I just be ok why can't I be normal why can't I be happy.

I promised, I promised, I promised.

It wouldn't leave me head I broke that promise. The promise. How could. I fucked up.

"Im sorry" I whispered She shouldn't forgive me.

"Sorry for what."

A voice interrupted my thoughts causing me to scream and wack the persons chest.

"For fucks sake Sam" I didnt realise he had crept up behind me, I didnt realise I had walked I to the kitchen.

"Language" Noah walked into the kitchen a cup of coffee in his hand.

I screamed again. I jump to easily.
"For ducks sake stop just appearing your gonna give me a heat attack." I grumbled jumping onto the counter swinging my legs.

"Sorry for what." Sam asked again ignoring my comment.

I groaned and was about to answer when another idoit stomped into the kitchen. I burst out laughing.

Sam groaned knowing he wasn't gonna get an answer out of me be grabbed Noahs cup of coffee and sprinted out the room.

"WHAT THE FUCK SAM" Noah yelled and gave chase.

"I hope Mason doesn't come home soon." James said walking towards me.

I couldn't help but giggle again. I mean bright yellow hair suits him.
Like I think I'm biopar wanting to kill myself one moment, laughing the next.

James stopped in front of me and swung my legs kicking him. He glared and grabbed me of the counter holding me against his chest.

"Jamesss" I sqwimred. I HATE physical contact unless I inthiate it. "Lett mee goooooo"

He presented to think. " lets see no, not unless you tell me who did this."

I sighed no way I'm snitching on myself. It was meant to be a goodbye present he looks good In yellow hair.

"Ella" James warned placing me on the table. He wiggled his fingers.

I tried to escape but he grabbed me and began his attack.
I burst into giggles.

"No...stopp.... Let go... JAMESSSS" I yelled as he didn't stop I wriggeld. "Jamess let me go"

"Never" he grinned happily as I squirmed enjoying making me suffer.

I heard the front door open and grinned. " i'll tell you" he stopped and stepped back slightly. I smirked and bolted heading to the front door.

"ELLAA"james yelled following.

I laughed, not watching where I was going I ran Into a wall falling to the ground with a bump. Huh scince when was there a wall. Ahhh. Someone shiged and grapped my arm pulling me up.

"You never learn do you Eleanor." I gulped no nickname means angry Mason. Angry mason means.

"Hiii"I smiled before running away"byeee"

So what do you think
The diary bit is true mostly that day it was a Wednesday I think I'll always remember it another attempt. Anyway I'm ok I mean it.
I added in the story kinda part as it wasn't long enough and I'm not to sure about it. I think it gives you an idea of her personality and her playful atuide the next bit isn't gonna be like this.
Love you all😘
😭🥲❤️‍🩹🧡💙🥂💀💔🥥💓🌰🍠❤️🫓💚♓️🍤🥬⚠️💛❤️‍🔥🖤🧉🌽✯🦇💗💝🧁🥐