Lawnmower's a good job, mate.
You mow the grass, you stay fed most of the time... Because, well, grass.
One misunderstanding I get from kids that walk past my boss's house while I'm working is that I throw the cut grass into the bin.
Or simply into a trash bag and then dispose of it later.
But no, I don't do any of those.
I just eat it.
I genuinely fill up the "Grass Bag" (I know, cool name.) and after I'm done mowing the lawn, well, I take a handful and dig in.
The taste ain't that bad, it tastes barely like anything, but the smell can get not so pleasant with all that plant blood seeping out from the fresh cuts.
'So does that mean I'm a cow?' No.
I just kinda burn it, when I eat it, it gets burned.
Of course I do get nutrition from it, plus the burning to keep me going for days, and that way, my designer made sure I didn't need bathroom breaks! How thoughtful!
I can focus on purely cutting and eating grass!
How cool is that?
Yippee!
But at times there's some other issues...
Like that one time where I had to halt working because there was a wasp nest in the ground.
So I told my boss, sat on the porch, and ate from my "Grass Bag" as the exterminators did their job at removing the wasps.
But I can't be purely working on JUST grass, right? You'd be correct!
As you can guess, I'd need biological matter to eat, and overall a refill of gasoline from time to time, I get my refills done by my boss himself.
He drives me to the nearest gas station, tells me to get out and to stand near the gas pump, and he simply unscrews the 2 canisters on my thighs. Then, he fills them up!
Now that I think of it, I don't really know what he does all day.
While I sit and watch grass grow- (mandatory job) he stays inside of the house, at times I hear loud noises like he's screaming or something, 'Martha, you Bitch!' ...something like that.
But then hey, where do I sleep you may ask?
That answer, my friend, is grass.
I cut grass, I eat grass, I sleep on grass, at times in the shed.
Oh, and about the cutting part, I use my hands, at times I do like to cut it with my mouth instead, but that's when nobody's looking.
I do tend to get weird faces despite that being literally my job.
...
...Humans are weird, though.
Why don't they cut the grass as well? Not that I'm complaining but- It's loads of fun! And food!
-I never explained what biological matter I eat outside of my job, did I?
Well then, *ahem*
...
You ready...?
I don't know!
My boss at times brings a Styrofoam box with long stripes of meat and fried potato fingers, and it is surprisingly good! If a human made it, then keep making it! I'll just continue cutting grass!
(482 words)
YOU ARE READING
Life of a Sentient Lawnmower
HumorEver wondered what it was like to be a lawnmower? What about a sentient one? Or maybe you just wanted to touch grass with your mouth- but whatever it is- this book tells a story of a cybernetically modified species into a working-class Protogen suit...
